Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hi, everyone, this is Dawn Clem, and you're on my podcast, Milkweed and monarchs. Today I'm going to be sharing a story with you about a man I met many years ago who has influenced my life probably more than I ever realized. It took me to get some age on myself before I was able to kind of reflect on my interaction with him.
[00:00:32] And when I thought about the podcast, I said, this would be a great story to share, so I'm only going to be using his initials. I haven't been in contact with anyone in his family for many, many years, and I don't want to violate their privacy, so I'll just use the initials RSC when I'm speaking about him.
[00:00:58] So in 1982, I was back in San Diego after being discharged from the Navy, and I was able to get a job at Mercy Hospital as a licensed vocational nurse. I know I had shared with you that I was able to challenge the state boards for licensed vocational nurse after being a corpsman in the Navy for four years. So I got a job at Mercy Hospital as an LVN working on an inpatient oncology, or, sorry, orthopedic unit. At that time, I had been there for quite a long time, I think about a year, and I was working on the evening shift with nurses, and I had some great friends there. I really liked the job quite a bit.
[00:01:54] And I came in on a Wednesday to work, and the nurse manager had requested that all of the licensed vocational nurses meet with her in the conference room. So we went into the conference room and she stood up in front of all of us. I think there was between ten and twelve of us in there. And she said, I'm just here to let you know that Friday will be your last day of employment in the organization.
[00:02:27] We're moving head ahead with a plan to initiate primary care nursing. And by primary care nursing, we mean that it's going to be the registered nurse that takes care of the patients along with a nursing assistant. We have no need any longer for the middleman of the LPN.
[00:02:53] I'm like, what?
[00:02:55] I can't tell you how shocked I was. I did not see it coming in any way at all. It was very impactful. I'm pretty sure I started crying when I left the room. I was married at that time to someone that I had met in the navy, and it was kind of a volatile relationship. I was probably putting it mildly, but it was. And I was not looking forward to going home and letting him know that I no longer had a job.
[00:03:27] It was not going to be a good scenario any way around it.
[00:03:32] So I got back out to the floor, and I'm like, why? I'm working today. So I'm gonna make the best of today, tomorrow, and then Friday, I'll think about what I'm gonna do next.
[00:03:47] So I go into a patient's room, and it was a young guy. He was probably right around the same age I was. So I'm thinking right around 25, we both were at that time.
[00:03:57] And he had been in a motorcycle accident, so he was on our orthopedic for broken bones, and he had had surgery, and I had gotten along with him really well and done a good job. I mean, we were both young, so it was kind of easy for me to be able to be his caregiver. And his mom always came in to visit him on three to eleven, and she was actually a registered nurse.
[00:04:26] So on this day, she was in the room when I came in to do my rounds on him and see how he was doing.
[00:04:34] She had heard already the rumors that the LVNs were losing their jobs. You know, bad news travels fast, doesn't it? And she said to me, I heard you're going to be losing your job. I said, yes, I'm losing my job. And she said, well, have you ever considered working private duty as a nurse? I said, no, not really. I wouldn't even know how to figure out how to do that. How do you do that? Do you go through an agency?
[00:05:07] What would be my next steps? I said to her, and she said, well, it just so happens that I am working private duty for a man in La Jolla, California. For any of you who've been out to San Diego and La Jolla, then you'll know that La Jolla is quite a well to do area.
[00:05:29] So to think that she was working private duty there did not surprise me. And she said, we have a need for someone like you to come and work there. I think you could. You would be happy working there, and I think you would make a difference working there. And is that something that you would consider?
[00:05:54] And I said, well, what exactly is the job? What is it? She said, I'm a caretaker for an elderly man and his housekeeper. He has multiple sclerosis, and so I, right now, am in charge of hiring people to be able to take care of him. But what we would expect you to do is exercises with him. So, like physical therapy, do his breathing treatments with him, shower him, get him dressed, make sure that he gets his lunch. He has the housekeeper, and she has been with him for, like, 30 years, but she's the same age as him. They're both elderly, so it would be nice to have somebody come in there that could help her out as well. So if you could make his lunch, and then if you're there in the afternoon, his sister always comes in the afternoon, and they have tea and cookies, and it would be great if you could serve them the tea and cookies. They were thinking, yeah, this doesn't sound like a bad gig. I mean, why not? I'm gonna try it. So, on the day that I lost my job, I gained a job. And that is definitely divine intervention. Definitely. No doubt about it. So, anyhow, we made a plan that day that I was going to go over there on the day that she was working. And then I could get acquainted, and we could see if it was going to be a good fit for me. And I was very relieved, because I did not want to have to go home and tell my husband that. That I lost my job. Now I could say, hey, I lost my job. But guess what? I got a new job all in the same day. It was kind of a.
[00:07:48] It was a crazy time. It was a miracle, in my opinion.
[00:07:54] So I finished working my shift. I went home, I thought about it, and I worked the next day, on Thursday, that shift. And on Friday, I had made arrangements with her to go to the address and meet this man and his housekeeper. And she was there waiting for me.
[00:08:15] So she introduced me to him. And I'm going to be calling him RSC if I didn't say that previously. But I'm going to call him RSC, and his housekeeper's name was Anna. So I came into the house.
[00:08:31] He was wheelchair bound at that time, and I got to know him had had Ms for quite a long period of time. And so his vocal cords were kind of paralyzed at that time so he could talk. But it really took a lot of effort to understand sometimes exactly what he was saying to you. And he produced a lot of saliva. So it was kind of difficult from time to time. But I sat down and I talked to him, and I told him. Told him a little bit about myself at that point, I had already started back to San Diego City College to get my associate degree in liberal arts, because eventually my husband and I knew we were going to be moving back. He was actually from Vermont, and I'm from Michigan. So I just wanted to get a liberal arts degree and then continue on in nursing once I got back to where we were gonna set down roots permanently.
[00:09:40] So I told him about going to San Diego City College. I told him what I was studying. I told him that I was aspiring to be a nurse. And then he said, well, I think you'll be fine. I'd be happy to have you join my care team kind of thing. So we set up a schedule for me to come.
[00:10:02] And if I came on the weekends, I would do the full service thing where I would do his shower, then I would do his exercises, then I would do his breathing treatments.
[00:10:18] And then I would get him dressed, get him into the chair. And then sometimes he would sit in the living room and talk to me. Or sometimes I would roll him in the wheelchair back to. He had, like, a craft room where he had an old railroad set up. And it was the coolest thing. It was a big one. And he would spend hours in there working on the different trains and putting pieces together and putting bridges up and such like that. And then he would call me in if he did something special to show me what he had done. And, of course, I would be there for his meals, and then I would be there in the afternoon when his sister came.
[00:11:03] It was working out good. I actually really, really liked it a lot. And sometimes in the afternoon when his sister came, I would always serve them tea and cookies on a silver tray, and I'd put a bell on the tray, and then I'd go sit in the kitchen. And when I went in the kitchen, I would eat the cookies, too. She, his housekeeper, Anna, was from Sweden. And let me tell you, that was the first time I ever had a butter cookie that tasted like that in my life. I mean, it was spectacular. I can't say enough about it. I almost wish I'd never eaten one, because now anytime I see them, especially during the holidays, I have to have them. It's not like they're, you know, without calories.
[00:11:48] But anyhow, it got to the point, though, in those afternoon visits, that they would actually want me to sit in there with them and talk to him, which is quite surprising when you think about it. And he was telling his sister how I was going back to school, and I was currently going to San Diego Community College, and I was, at that point, in a history and a humanities class. And so she wanted to hear all about how they were teaching me in school and what I really thought about it. And then the next time she came, she actually brought me some information that she thought would help me in my class for the history class and the humanities class from when she had gone to college or she had experienced being there so, I mean, they were really great to me. They were really, really great. And I really came to love both of them very, very much. And Anna, too. Anna was. She was difficult. I mean, I think it was harder for her because she had always taken care of him independently. And now they had to have extra help in there, and I think that bothered her. But she taught me so many things, too. She's the one that taught me how to keep a pantry. She had.
[00:13:18] They used to buy big jars of honey, and the jars were glass jars, and the lids would screw on. And so then with each one of those glass jars, she started putting things in it, like noodles and rice. And she had her whole pantry lined with these glass jars. Well, that's something that I took forward into my life. Now, my grandma always used to can on the farm, and I got all of her blue ball glasses when she passed. And now I have all of those in my pantry. And they have noodles and rice and beans and split peas. And I really wouldn't have done that if it hadn't been for Anna.
[00:14:08] And she taught me lots of other things, too. She told me all about what the food was like in Sweden. I wanted to know because I had lived in Iceland, and the fish there was the best fish I had ever had in my life. And I thought it was because the water was so cold. That's what they always told me. On Fridays at the USO in Iceland, they always had a fish fry. And believe me, there was no way they could ever hold me back from going to that fish fry. Some of the best fish I've ever eaten in my life. So I decided to ask her about fish in Sweden and if they ate a lot of fish. Well, that's when she told me all about loot fisk, which I had never, ever heard about in my life. And she explained the whole process of putting it in lye. And, I mean, it's really kind of a complicated process. And I really don't know if I would ever eat it. But they've been eating it there for years. So I learned a lot of things just from talking to her about the kitchen. I think she helped me a lot because, you know, I was away from my family. My mom really wasn't with me at all when I was a young adult. So to have somebody else kind of mentor me was really great.
[00:15:31] So everything is going along great. I'm pretty happy with this job. I don't feel stressed out at all. And the time started coming for the holidays.
[00:15:44] So one day he said to me, what would you think about having Thanksgiving dinner with us?
[00:15:56] And I was like, wow, really? He said, yes, my son is going to be coming from Michigan and my daughter in law and my two grandchildren, and I would love it if you could be here. So I was like, okay, I'm going to talk it over with my husband, and then I will let you know what he says.
[00:16:17] So I went home, and I talked to my husband, and I told. I was kind of excited about it. I. I was looking forward, really, to meeting the rest of his family, and, um, just to see what they were like. You know, he had come.
[00:16:35] Had come from a very well to do family, and they had actually owned the Detroit News in Michigan, and he was actually born in Michigan. So I think that's why we had a bond right out of the gate, because we both came from Michigan.
[00:16:54] And then, you know, I looked up their family roots later on, and they still have, like, six different, six or seven different news industry type of organizations, and they also have done a lot of philanthropy, which I love, too. So, I mean, really, really great family. I can't say enough about them.
[00:17:23] So I was excited to meet his son and his daughter in law and his grandchildren.
[00:17:30] So, thanks. I talked it over my husband. He didn't really care. It was only the two of us. So he's like, yeah, go ahead, do what you want. I'll probably just watch football. So I. The day came, and I got all dressed up because I wanted to look good for his family, and I was excited about it.
[00:17:49] And I get to his house, and his family was already there, and they introduced me to his family.
[00:17:58] And then Anna is like, okay, don, we're going to set the table. So I set the table, and that is when it became very obvious that I was not going to be eating Thanksgiving dinner with them, that they had basically asked me to come and help Anna serve, although Anna was going to sit at the table with them.
[00:18:24] So my job, really, was to serve the dinner to everyone and then clean up the dishes afterwards. And while they were eating, then I would sit in the kitchen and eat my meal. I was not eating with them.
[00:18:38] Oh, brother. I mean, it was like, I was mortified. I was really mortified.
[00:18:46] I think some of my problem was that I had unreal expectations.
[00:18:53] You know, I don't know. I was naive, maybe, but some of the other problem really was his granddaughter was my age. So I think I just felt so uncomfortable serving someone my own age. And really, that I was a nurse, you know, I wasn't a registered nurse, but I was a licensed vocational nurse, so, you know, I don't know. I felt so uncomfortable. But I did it. I stayed for the whole thing. I got the whole kitchen cleaned up, and after they had eaten and everything, then his daughter in law and the two kids went outside and I stayed and talked to RSC for just a little while. And then I packed up my stuff and I hurried home.
[00:19:50] I remember I was so.
[00:19:54] I think I was embarrassed, too, maybe. I don't know. When I look back on it, I felt like Cinderella, maybe a little bit. And so when I got in my car and I was driving home, I remember crying, thinking, oh, boy, that was not great.
[00:20:10] That really was not great at all.
[00:20:15] Well, I stuck it out and I continued to work for him. He was wonderful, and she was, too, and so was his sister. So I stayed there for over a year, and then came the time where we had decided that we were going to be moving back to New England. And so I gave them my notice and told them that, that I was going to be moving back. And he was so disappointed. He hated to see me go. And I really did hate to lose him as a patient, too, because he was really wonderful. He was kind. He had done so much in his life before he got Ms. He was actually a photographer, and even if you could look him up on the Internet, you can see pictures of him, can take in professional photos. And the one story that he always shared with me was that he had gotten a model T. Ford. I think it was a model t. I'm pretty sure it wasn't a model a. It was a Model T. And it was in the early 1930s. And he and a friend drove that car, the whole Lewis and Clark expedition until he had arrived in San Diego.
[00:21:38] So, I mean, that in and of itself, I mean, he was an adventurer, and he did a lot of things.
[00:21:46] Of course, he came from a privileged background, so he did have money to be able to do things like that. But he had a photo album, and we would look at that photo album for an hour, at least, and he would explain all the pictures to me. So he was actually taking professional pictures back then while he was documenting his trip. I think it took him two weeks. I could be wrong about that, but that's what's kind of I'm remembering in my mind, he was just a unique individual who, who liked a good adventure.
[00:22:24] And it's just, it was sad to think that he ended up with Ms. After all of that. You know, it wasn't great, but he was still a great, man.
[00:22:37] So I gave my notice, and then the next month, I moved back to Massachusetts, and there I applied for an associate degree program in nursing. And I was going to be starting that in 1987, I think.
[00:22:58] And I had been back there about a year, maybe a year and a half.
[00:23:04] And one day in the mail, I got a letter from an attorney. I'm like, who in the. What is this all about? I really had no. No awareness at all of what that was going to be about.
[00:23:22] So I open the letter up, and the very first documents basically said that this is from the estate of RSC, and we regret to inform you that he has passed away. Oh, my gosh. That was such a shock to me. I don't know why. I mean, it made perfect sense. I think he was 83 when he died, so he had lived a long time with Ms, and it was probably getting harder for him to breathe.
[00:23:59] So he died. And when he died, when I got that letter, I burst out crying. I mean, I don't. He obviously impacted me more than I even understood at the time. I remember crying and crying, and then I finally finished reading the letter, and the letter said, he has left you $2,000 from his estate, and here's the check. And I was like, what? Are you kidding me? I. I was. I just could not even rap fathom, you know, I had only really worked for him a little over a year, and he still had to include me in his will. I mean, he would have had to change his will to put my name in a will. And I had been away from California, California for almost two years before he died. So the whole thing was just unbelievable to me, that he had thought enough about me to leave me money.
[00:25:11] I've thought about him so many times since then, and I've thought about the whole Thanksgiving thing, too. At first, I think I was feeling like I was oppressed. Kind of, like I said, a Cinderella. You know, you're doing the work behind the scenes, and here you have this aristocratic family.
[00:25:35] But really, it wasn't true.
[00:25:38] I feel like when I look back now, I was one of the people that he trusted the most with his family.
[00:25:49] I mean, that was a complete honor. But when you're young, you don't really understand things like that.
[00:25:59] You don't understand it until you're older. Sometimes I think I'm so slow to process information, I take a hit because I'm kind of. I am sensitive, so I'm sensitive to feelings and things like that. And you take a hit from an event or something that's been said, and then years later, you look back on that and you think, that really was such an honor that he trusted me enough to be with his family, who he adored, and then to think about me being, even being put in his will.
[00:26:42] I am so grateful that he was in my life, even though it was for such a short period of time.
[00:26:53] Very, very grateful.
[00:26:56] And I think when I look back, there's a lot of lessons that came out of this one. Right?
[00:27:06] Of course. Kindness changes everything, right?
[00:27:10] Kindness changes everything.
[00:27:13] Both of them were so kind to me at a time when I had just lost my job.
[00:27:20] I learned so much from them, and they were so gracious to me in every way.
[00:27:26] And they really were just. It was just such a great job for me to have in the interim before I moved back.
[00:27:37] And the other thing is that he kept moving forward, just like Dan Goldsmith.
[00:27:47] He had obstacles in his path, but they didn't stop him from moving forward and continuing to do the things that he wanted to do in his life. He had a routine, and he stuck with the routine. And the routine gave him so much peace of mind. I can't imagine what it would be like to have miss and be trapped in your body. I mean, we have a lot more medication now that we can give to MS patients, and thankfully, they're so much more mobile now, and they actually have a quality of life.
[00:28:28] But this was before any of that.
[00:28:31] So he was like a prisoner in his own body, but he was an amazing human being.
[00:28:40] And I'm just so grateful that I had him in my life, even if it was just for such a brief period of time.
[00:28:54] The impact of him, when I think about it and when I look back, is just everything to someone who is just learning how to be an adult.
[00:29:07] It was just an amazing experience.
[00:29:12] Thank you so much for joining me today. I hope you like this story.
[00:29:18] Don't forget to get on my website and send me any stories or interviews that you think I should conduct. It's milkmon.com, so it's m I l kmon, m o n.com, all one word, milkman. I'd love to hear from you, and I look forward to joining you again at my next podcast.
