Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hi, everyone. This is Dawn Klem, and you are on my podcast, Milkweed and Monarchs.
[00:00:07] Today I'm going to be telling you a story about when I was working as the nurse manager at Main Medical center on the oncology unit. It's not about a patient, though. It's about an experience that I had that I think is worth sharing. And I think you're going to get a kick out of it, especially those that do know me.
[00:00:30] I hate to admit it, but it kind of does define me.
[00:00:34] So I was working on the unit as the nurse manager, and I had met a nurse up there who had come from Wales.
[00:00:47] And it just so happened after we got to know each other that we realized that. That they had built a house just down the road from us.
[00:00:56] And it was really exciting to have her for a friend there. We. My husband and I really liked her husband and her with the. Well, they weren't married yet, but they were getting married. They had built this house.
[00:01:12] He owned a factory where they had made mattresses. And my husband and I are both people that like original things.
[00:01:24] So we're always looking for. I mean, I like original art.
[00:01:29] I like. I have a blanket from sheep, Scott Wooleries in Maine, and they grow the wool there, the sheep there, they produce the wool there, and then the blankets are made from that wool. So we like things like that. We're kind of into Craftsman kind of things. That's just how we both have always been. And kind of. We loved original art, all that kind of stuff. So we were drawn to them right away, just because of him owning this factory. And because she was a nurse, she was so smart. She's one of the smartest nurses I've ever met. I think she had a degree in biology, and she also had a nursing degree.
[00:02:16] And she was really good with the patients, and she was a very hard worker.
[00:02:21] Well, they were in the process of planning their wedding, and their wedding was going to be in Wales, and they were really, really, really excited about their wedding. She was homesick. Who could blame her?
[00:02:38] So going back, there was going to be all her family and friends.
[00:02:42] She had, like, two. Two really good friends. I think it was either two or three. One I know for sure was named Sharon. And she talked about her all the time. She missed them so much. I can't imagine being that far away, and especially when you're trying to plan a wedding.
[00:03:00] But she would. They would talk to us all the time. They would talk about the customs that they did there. There was a thing where everybody would get A stout. A glass of stout.
[00:03:13] And then the boys would drink the glass and you would see who would drink the glass first.
[00:03:20] It was like a competition. And then the girls would do it. And it was. It just sounded so great.
[00:03:28] So at the time, we were starting to become really good friends.
[00:03:31] And she mentioned to me, what would you think about coming to my wedding?
[00:03:38] And I think I was kind of pushing it too. I wanted to go so bad because I was so excited to get over there and just see their customs and see who her friends were and her family. I just liked her so much. It was an exciting thing for me.
[00:03:54] So they did extend the invitation to us and we were going. We were all in on it.
[00:04:01] We.
[00:04:02] She gave us the name of her travel agency. They were out of Texas. And she said, you can get a really good price on a flight to go.
[00:04:14] So we were like, okay, we're. We're definitely all in on it.
[00:04:18] Well, at the same time that she was planning for her wedding, I was going through in vitro trying to get pregnant.
[00:04:30] And, you know, this was like the final time I think, that I went through and I was really going all in. It was going to be this time or it just wasn't going to be it anymore. I really. When I look back at in vitro, I went through it three times.
[00:04:51] I probably wouldn't recommend it. I know a lot of people have a good outcome with it. I didn't have a good outcome with it. Worse than that, I gained like 40 pounds.
[00:05:02] Hormonally, I was a complete wreck. I don't think I had very much control over my emotion. It's hard to look back on that time because I see myself as a completely different person. I feel like I was almost like a terrorist. I'm telling you, I. I was a be. I'm always been kind of a direct communicator. But there was no softening of my communication style at that time.
[00:05:32] And I was just hoping upon hope that this was going to be the time that actually worked.
[00:05:40] But in the meantime, we decided to go ahead and make arrangements to get the plane tickets. We figured, what the heck, we can cancel.
[00:05:50] Let's just plan for it and just keep moving forward with our life. Because if we don't get pregnant, you know, then we're just going to be disappointed. So at least this will give us something to look forward to. I actually did not think I was going to get pregnant. I had no. I. I was just like, ugh. I was over it. I was really over it. I was in my 40s a lot of people would make comments to me like, why would you do this to yourself in your 40s? You know, I think I was like 41.
[00:06:23] I mean, a lot of hurtful things. People are trying to be kind, but what comes out of their mouth when you're on the receiving end is not necessarily good.
[00:06:35] So I took a lot of heat, even from patients, about trying to get pregnant.
[00:06:42] I didn't keep it a secret. I was pretty out in the open. I lived my life pretty open.
[00:06:50] And I think the first two times I didn't really talk about it. And this last time, I was just so over it. I didn't care who knew why, what, when, how. I just was talking about it.
[00:07:03] So we got the plane tickets. We're all set to go to Wales. I've gone through the part where the eggs have been fertilized, eggs have been implanted, and now we're waiting couple weeks to see if they stay. And I'm actually going to be pregnant, so I'm still working every day. And I was going to graduate school. I mean, why did I think I was going to stay pregnant? I don't know. I really don't know. When I look back, I don't think I was making very good decisions at that time in my life. I've always had an exorbitant amount of energy.
[00:07:47] But, you know, it's okay to have downtime, too. I don't think I gave myself enough downtime.
[00:07:53] So I'm going along.
[00:07:55] We're waiting. We waited.
[00:07:58] Get through the. They wanted you to wait three to four weeks to have your labs drawn. And the lab was the confirmation that you were going to be pregnant.
[00:08:09] So we get the labs drawn, and a miracle upon miracle, I was pregnant.
[00:08:18] And I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
[00:08:21] I just bought tickets to go to Wales.
[00:08:25] I was excited, but I was in a state of shock, too. I'm like, this cannot. This cannot possibly be happening. How is this happening that I'm pregnant now? I'm not going to go to Wales, and I'm. I'm still working and I'm in graduate school. Something's got to give here.
[00:08:49] So I did go to see my friend from Wales to let her know, you're never going to believe this, but I actually am pregnant. I mean, she was so happy for me. She was sad, too, because she knew that meant I wasn't going to be flying over there, but she was very, very happy for me.
[00:09:08] And so, you know, in the middle of all the excitement, we decided to Cancel our trip to Wales.
[00:09:20] So we called the travel agency in Texas to cancel our arrangements.
[00:09:28] I mean, it had only been like, three weeks, really. It hadn't even been that long. And they're like, yes, yes, you can definitely cancel. That's not going to be a problem at all. The tickets were like, $950. We'll get that check for you in the mail. No problem.
[00:09:46] No problem whatsoever.
[00:09:50] So I'm moving forward.
[00:09:55] People would actually come up to me and say to me, did you get pregnant on purpose at this age? I'd, oh, my God.
[00:10:04] I mean, you just wonder what people are. I mean, I do think they had good intentions when they were talking to me like that. But it was also really hurtful. It was very, very hurtful, too. Probably because they didn't know how much of an effort I had made just to even get to this point in my life.
[00:10:27] Just the fact that I was. Got pregnant was like a miracle.
[00:10:32] We went home and we got one of those home pregnancy tests and we tested it ourselves, and sure enough, it was positive. And then Craig took a picture of it, and he's like, sending it to his mom via email. That was before we had the iPhones and all that kind of stuff.
[00:10:52] So, you know, my family was really excited about it.
[00:10:57] All of us were nervous about it, but we're moving forward, so we've canceled the trip to Wales.
[00:11:06] I'm pregnant.
[00:11:08] We go. And the. The thing with IVF is that you have your first pregnancy test and then you wait like three or four weeks and then you have another pregnancy test.
[00:11:20] So we did that, and the second blood test came back showing the count was going down.
[00:11:31] So they.
[00:11:34] At the fertility clinic, a nurse or somebody had called me to tell me that they wanted me to speak with the physician.
[00:11:43] So I had already gone through in vitro two other times, and I had a physician there that I was pretty close to, that I really, really liked and that I trusted.
[00:11:53] So when my telephone rang and it was a different doctor, I'm like, what the heck is going on?
[00:12:00] And he called to tell me that your labs are going down.
[00:12:06] I'm sorry to say I don't think this is going to be a viable pregnancy for you.
[00:12:11] And you're. You may need to actually even have a dnc.
[00:12:18] A DNC to my mom was a dusting and a cleaning. That's what she said. But really, they go in and they evacuate your pregnancy. It's almost like you're having an abortion, but the fetus is not really growing, so you're not really having an abortion.
[00:12:37] I would remember I was really, really upset at the time one, because I didn't not. I was not talking to my doctor. So I asked him, where's my doctor?
[00:12:50] Doctor? So and so. And he says, oh, he retired. I go, he retired.
[00:12:55] I said, he never sent a letter or anything for me to know that.
[00:12:59] And he's like, well, I'm sorry, but I'm your doctor now and what I would recommend for you is donor eggs. And I'm like, no, we're not going to do donor eggs. This baby, if we were to get pregnant, we want it to be from both of us.
[00:13:18] So I guess this is going to be the end of my journey.
[00:13:22] And he tried really hard to convince me to keep going, but I'm like, no, I'm done.
[00:13:29] So then I was sad. And I remember I cried a lot. First I was mad because my doctor left without telling me.
[00:13:39] I mean, I know he had a big clinic and everything, but I mean, every. I've been in healthcare for 40 years, so I always knew when the doctor wasn't going because some we would make some kind of communication from the clinic or from the hospital where I was working.
[00:13:55] But those days are even gone now. So I guess I shouldn't have expected so much, but I really did because I had a relationship with him. So I was crying over that.
[00:14:08] The fact that he had left, the fact that he was not the one to give me the news that he was not the one to talk to me about options.
[00:14:17] I cried over that. I cried over the fact that the it didn't work and we probably weren't going to be able to have our own kids.
[00:14:25] And then I cried over the fact that we had canceled our trip to Wales.
[00:14:30] I felt like I had a triple whammy all at one time.
[00:14:34] And I was kind of struggling with that.
[00:14:38] But I decided, okay, I need to just get on with my life now. I'm going to be in graduate school, get through.
[00:14:47] I was actually in nurse practitioner school at the time and I was just going to finish up graduate school and figure out what I was going to do with my life. And.
[00:14:59] And Craig and I were thinking maybe we probably weren't going to have any kids. We thought, okay, God's letting us know. God does let you know the direction to go in. There's no doubt in my mind. I've had it happen so many times.
[00:15:13] So this was his direction for me and that was okay.
[00:15:18] And in the meantime, Craig was going to take care of the getting our refund on the tickets, it was supposedly going to be no problem.
[00:15:29] So I, I take a little bit of time off, I get back to work, I'm still going to graduate school, starting to get back into my routine.
[00:15:43] It was not an easy time for me. I was definitely struggling.
[00:15:48] And in the meantime, Craig was struggling with the guy from Texas to get our tickets back.
[00:15:57] And you know, we're talking about 900 to a thousand dollars, 950 somewhere around in there.
[00:16:04] I'm like, this is ridiculous. What do you mean? He's not, he says, he said, give me another month. He said to Craig, and Craig goes, okay, I can give you another month.
[00:16:15] So I'm, I'm just putting my head down, getting through my life and schooling and every once in a while it would pop into my mind, hey, did you get that money back for the ticket jet? And he'd be like, no. I did talk to him last week though. He says he's gonna do it, it should be coming along. I'm like, this is getting to the point of being nonsensical, Craig.
[00:16:42] I mean, I feel like I might have to insert myself a little bit here.
[00:16:47] He's like, oh, you don't need to worry about it. The guy's a nice guy. I don't think it's going to be a problem.
[00:16:54] Meantime, my friend has already gone to Wales and come back married.
[00:17:00] We still don't have a refund on our tickets.
[00:17:03] Like, what in the heck is going on here? I'm starting to feel a little better. I'm getting back into the groove of things. I'm, you know, able to talk about what I've been through and kind of trying to let things move forward and let things go and trying to get past all the hormones that I had had, which was quite ridiculous.
[00:17:31] But I was, I was doing fairly well. I would say though, that I, I was pretty short tempered during that time. I don't know if it was added stress, depression, hormones. There were a lot of things that were impacting me and I definitely had a shorter fuse than I usually do.
[00:17:54] I'm one of those that lets things go for a really long time. And then when I finally have made up my mind, it's like an explosion and people are like, where the heck did that come from?
[00:18:06] And yeah, that's me. I definitely know my tolerance level.
[00:18:12] So it's going on nine months, we do not have our refund.
[00:18:21] I'm like, Craig, leave me the phone number. I am going to be taking care of this situation today. And he's like, no, you don't need to.
[00:18:30] No, I swear to God, I'm going to take care of it. Oh, no, you're not.
[00:18:34] I've been waiting for you to take care of this for a very long time.
[00:18:39] You're not going to take care of it. It's very obvious that you're not going to take care of it.
[00:18:44] So I am going to do a little investigative work and then I will be calling the ticket agent myself.
[00:18:53] What is his name? He says his name is Farouk. I go, okay, I'm going to be calling Farouk.
[00:18:59] So in the meantime, I had called like a legal assistance free clinic to tell them what had happened. We actually had a confirmation that your tickets could be refunded within two weeks, I think it was. Which we had done well in advance of two weeks. When I. They found out I was pregnant. We called right away.
[00:19:24] So.
[00:19:25] And I told him the whole story about, you know, it's going on nine months. He keeps jerking us around. He's not sending us our money. What are my options here? He says, well, what I would tell him is that you can be. You would be happy to fly into Texas and take him into a small claims court where you are able to file for three times the amount that he owes you and that he is going to lose the case because you have the law on your side.
[00:20:05] If he wants you to come to Texas, you will be there tomorrow to file your lawsuit.
[00:20:13] I was like, so happy to have talk, gotten this legal advice. And, I mean, I probably had the biggest smile on my face that I'd had in the longest time.
[00:20:24] So I wrote everything down. I was all prepared. I. And the next day I call him up and I tell him who I am, and he's like, oh, yes, Mrs. Clem, I've been talking to your husband Robert.
[00:20:39] And I go, yes, you have been. And it's been nine months and I would like to know where our money is. And he launched into the same old story that he had been saying to Craig for a very long time.
[00:20:55] For those of you who don't know my husband, his name is Robert Craig, but he goes by. He's always gone by Craig, but if we're doing anything formally, he'll go by Robert, but his friends call him Craig.
[00:21:09] So when he says, I've been talking to Robert, he meant he was talking to my husband.
[00:21:15] So anyhow, that's just a side detail. I didn't want you to be confused. So anyhow, I listened to everything that he had to say. And then I go farouk it's been nine months. Give me a break, right? And he's like I told your husband. And I can going to be able to take care of this within the next month. I go, farooq, let me put it to you this way.
[00:21:42] I want my money, Farouk. And just in case you need some clarification.
[00:21:49] Let me just tell you I have sought out legal advice.
[00:21:53] I will be down there next week to file in small claims court.
[00:21:58] In which I am assured that I will win the case. And I will be eligible for three times the amount of money. So that will be close to $3,000. Do you want to pay us the $950 right now, Farooq, or shall I fly down there and file my claim? Because you are going to lose, and I am going to win.
[00:22:24] And since it's been nine months, Farouk, I'll be happy to claim extra money.
[00:22:31] He says, Mrs. Clem, the check will be in the mail tomorrow.
[00:22:37] That is exactly what happened. So the next day, he said he put it in the mail. And two days later, we got the check. First class. We got the check.
[00:22:50] And the moral of the story is.
[00:22:55] It's okay to send a hormonal woman on a man. When you need to get your money back. Right? Isn't that terrible?
[00:23:04] I swear at him, just like that.
[00:23:07] Everything that I just said to you is exactly how I talked to him.
[00:23:11] And the happy ending is we got our money back. And the end of the story was we moved on from Farouk.
[00:23:22] Don't ever be afraid to fight for something. When you know you're in the right.
[00:23:31] Thank you for listening to my story today. I hope you enjoyed it.
[00:23:35] I know those of you who know who I am are laughing hysterically. Because it sounds just like something I would do.
[00:23:43] But sometimes you got to go to battle.
[00:23:49] Until the next time.
