Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hi, everyone, this is Dawn Klem and you are on my podcast, Milkweed and Monarchs.
[00:00:09] Today I thought I would share another story about my life with my ex husband, which I know seems kind of strange, but just to let you know how I view him, he actually taught me so much in my life. He taught me so much that I still use to this day.
[00:00:30] So I don't want to just completely erase the fact that we had a pretty toxic marriage because some good things actually came out of that marriage that live with me today.
[00:00:45] And one of the things that he taught me was really about how, how to go camping.
[00:00:54] So we were living in San Diego. He is definitely an outdoorsy kind of guy. And he was an athlete. As you know, he came originally from Vermont, so he had actually gone to a winter camping class.
[00:01:15] And I can't even remember. I think it's like it was actually like a school that he had gone to that taught him how to do winter camping in the mountains of Vermont, which is kind of cool. And that was a memory that definitely impacted him.
[00:01:33] So by the time we had gotten together as a couple and later got married, he was going to bring that forward into our marriage, which is actually a good thing.
[00:01:45] I still go tent camping to this day, and I probably wouldn't have known how to do all the things I do know how to do as far as camping goes if it, if I hadn't started my life with him.
[00:02:01] So today I'm going to share a story with you about camping with my ex husband.
[00:02:11] So we were living in San Diego and he wanted to go tent camping, but he didn't want to just go tent, you know, drive up to the national park. There's so many in California. You can just drive up with all your equipment, set up your tent, start your fire, you know, have a peaceful night. Oh, no. He was the extreme camper.
[00:02:39] So, you know, just think about that. When I first got married to him, I think I weighed all of about 105 pounds.
[00:02:49] So he was going to teach me how to backpack into the Sierra Nevada mountains.
[00:02:58] When I look back on it, I think, how did, how did I survive that?
[00:03:03] It's, I definitely am an outdoorsy kind of girl, but I never thought I'd be a backpack carrying kind of girl, hike into the mountains kind of thing.
[00:03:14] So he gets me fitted for a backpack and we're packing you, you pack your clothes, but you also pack your food and all the supplies that you're gonna need when you backpack into the mountain mountains. He had gotten the maps, so we Kind of knew where we were going to backpack into. And we were going to pack, backpack in about four to five miles. And then there was a stream there. So he wanted to set up the tent on the stream so we could go fishing for trout and cook trout on the, in the fire pan on the fire for breakfast. That was his goal. Okay, not my goal.
[00:04:01] The truth is I was so naive. I had no real understanding of what all this would entail. I just know that he definitely wanted to make sure that I had this experience with him. Because if we were going to be married, this was going to be part of what went on annually in our marriage.
[00:04:22] So we got my pack all fitted for me and then we came home and we started just packing everything up. And you roll the clothes up so that they're not so bulky in your backpack and you get it all ready to go. We had, you know, we had gone to the camp store and we got like those little freeze dried cans of food. Oh, God awful, by the way, but so much lighter than trying to pack anything in. Usually when we would just drive the truck up to a campsite, I would make something like chili or even spaghetti.
[00:05:05] And then we could cook that right on the open fire. So this was going to be something different for us.
[00:05:12] He wanted to kind of live off the wilderness and take these Sterno and freeze dried yucky food. Let me just say, I don't know how the astronauts do it, okay, when they're up there, because the food is God awful.
[00:05:28] But we had all the packages of food, we had all the clothing we were gonna take. And of course, I'm one of those that always wants to bring something else just in case, right? So I had an extra pair of tennis shoes. Ridiculous. We had. We brought way too much. Way too much. Let me just put it to you that way. The reason why I know we brought way too much is because he had me put the backpack on and then stand on the scales. So when I got on the scales, the scales went up to 145 pounds. So here I am, I weigh 105 pounds and I'm carrying a backpack that's half my weight, right?
[00:06:10] Oh my God. When I think about it.
[00:06:15] But when it's on your back, you don't even notice it. It is true. If you think about all those women in India and all over the world that carry things on their back. And we over here, because we're spoiled and privileged, don't have to carry packs like that other than a school backpack, right?
[00:06:39] And. And they do it just fine. And the real reason is because it's actually not as bad as what you think it is.
[00:06:45] So I remember we start up the trail, we found the trail, we parked the truck, get out. I'm kind of excited about it. I'm thinking, oh, how hard can this be? You know, you backpack in. Well, the backpacking in took a long time because you're going up and down these mountains. I mean, we're in the Sierra Nevada mountains, so you're going up and down these hills. And I'm like, oh my, I gotta take a break, you know. So I was taking, you know, way too many breaks according to him. But I mean, I'm carrying half my weight on my backpack. My back. I need a little break in here, buddy.
[00:07:23] So we would stop along the way and we'd check out the wildflowers. The views were incredible. There's nobody else on those Sierra Nevadas but us, Just us.
[00:07:37] And we. I think we're probably like maybe three miles in. I'm like, how much longer?
[00:07:45] The nagging kid in the backyard when or back seat of the car when your parents are taking you on a Sunday drive. How much longer, dad? How much longer? When are we going to get there? I mean, that's how I was. Because, because it was overwhelming in a way.
[00:08:03] But we can't go. We're almost there, keep going, you know, that kind of thing. We just kept going. We, we're looking at all the sites. I mean, it really was so beautiful.
[00:08:15] But I started thinking, we're never going to get there.
[00:08:20] It was just a little clearing in the middle of a wooded area located right on a stream.
[00:08:31] And the stream was so clear you could see right through to the bottom. There was no litter, trash, anything, any evidence that other people had ever even been at this campsite. Other than the fact that there was a fireplace, it was spectacular.
[00:08:55] You would look across the, the lake, the river, it was more like a stream, but you could look across to the other side and it was just pristine.
[00:09:07] It was incredible.
[00:09:11] So in my mind at that moment I said, well, I guess he actually did know what he was talking about.
[00:09:18] Not that I was looking forward to owning up to that.
[00:09:23] One thing I did forget to mention at the beginning of it is, yes, I was carrying a 40 pound pack, but he was carrying a 60 pound pack. Now you have to remember, he's a big dude. He was probably about 6ft, 6ft one, I think. Pretty stocky guy.
[00:09:42] He weighed 200 pounds.
[00:09:45] So, you know, think of, think of the math here. We Got a hundred and five pound woman carrying a forty pound pack and we got a two hundred pound man carrying a sixty pound pack. The math does not add up, okay?
[00:10:00] But nonetheless I did manage to get there. I think the biggest challenge for me when I was hiking, not carrying the pack, but the pack shot up so much higher than my head that if I were to lean forward I would get a little bit out of balance. And I was a little nervous that I was going to lean over too far and then just plant one do like a face plant in the side of the mountain.
[00:10:31] Because it was hard to maintain my balance with that big pack still sticking up over my head.
[00:10:40] His was over his head too, but not so much.
[00:10:44] And he had been, like I said, trained in, you know, carrying backpacks and camping out in the wilderness. So this was no feat for him.
[00:10:55] And he was going to train me on how to do it too so that we could continue to do this kind of thing.
[00:11:03] I'm really glad that I went.
[00:11:07] I can look back after all these years and say that because I mean it was a definitely a worthwhile experience.
[00:11:18] So we set up the tent and we got our packs unpacked, what whatever we needed for supplies and everything.
[00:11:26] And he was going to make a fire, but he said let's first, let's just, you know, walk, go on a little hike so we can check out the area and see what we think.
[00:11:38] So we walked all along the river's edge there, the stream edge, and then there were trails there that you could go on. And we would go on the trails and they would go in between the mountains and there were wild flowers everywhere and rocks of all different kinds. And there's something so peaceful about being out in the wilderness.
[00:12:05] There's no noise.
[00:12:07] You have to remember we were living in San Diego.
[00:12:10] In San Diego was a bustling city even back then.
[00:12:15] And the traffic is always so awful there.
[00:12:19] So to be away from all of that in the wilderness, in peace and quiet, I can see why he was in love with this kind of activity. It was definitely right up his alley.
[00:12:36] Just like a brain break, that's what I would call it, a brain break. Away from the hustle and bustle of just everyday living.
[00:12:47] So we hiked around for quite some time, checking out everything.
[00:12:53] He would point out things of interest to him that he thought I should notice and just different kind of leaves. Looking at the trees, looking at the bark on the trees, looking at the rock in the stream.
[00:13:09] At one point we walked across the stream, we took our shoes off and we actually walked barefoot across the street. Stream. The stream was so cold, it was freezing cold. But it was up in the mountains so I had my pants rolled up to my knees and I had like a flannel shirt on and I wore a bandana in my hair to keep my hair out of my face.
[00:13:33] So I mean I was the true picture of a mountain girl back then.
[00:13:38] Even though it was totally a false presentation, let me just say that.
[00:13:45] And, and it was wonderful. It really was really wonderful.
[00:13:50] He had managed to pack two fishing poles.
[00:13:54] So he said let's head back to the camp and we can either try to go fishing tonight, see if we can get some trout, or we can cook up one of our delicious freeze dried meals.
[00:14:08] So I'm like, okay.
[00:14:11] It's so funny when I look back now, I mean today I love to go out to restaurants, I love to explore new restaurants. I, I live near the city and there's so many great places to eat. And back then I could have cared less if I ate anything. Wasn't even interested in food.
[00:14:31] So to me it wasn't a big deal to pack freeze dried food because I probably didn't even need to eat that much. We, I did manage to pack a couple of plates, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I thought that was a good idea because at least you'd get some protein from the peanut butter and that would keep you going. And the jelly of course is sweet so you get your sugar fix in there too.
[00:14:56] So if the freeze dried food was nothing, great, we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to fall back on, which I thought was such a brilliant idea at the time.
[00:15:08] So we go back to the campsite and we, you know, made a fire and we sat down and we were just so peaceful and I don't even really think we talk that much when I look back on it and I go, do we even converse? I don't think we really did.
[00:15:29] It was just a time to decompress from everyday living just away from everything, peace and quiet. There were chipmunks, there were all different kinds of birds there.
[00:15:46] And every once in a while we would see a fish jump in the stream and we were just quiet.
[00:15:54] We didn't really talk about much.
[00:15:57] We just were one with nature.
[00:16:01] And during the course of our marriage we went backpacking again like this.
[00:16:09] But we also tent camped all the way up the coast from San Diego up to or all the way to the top of Oregon and back.
[00:16:19] So we did that. And one of the most favorite places that we camped was in the Chocolate Mountains in, in Yuma, Arizona. And we would go there sometimes just for a weekend. If we'd had a bad week or we were, you know, feeling stressed, you'd say, we're going to go camping. Just pack up the truck and go.
[00:16:41] One of the most spectacular camping trips I took with him was going to the Grand Canyon. And it's beautiful. Way before the Grand Canyon has been so commercialized now, which kind of makes you sad, but also understandable.
[00:17:05] And you could actually go tent camping there.
[00:17:08] And we went tent camping there on New Year's Eve. Isn't that so awesome? That's such a great memory for me.
[00:17:16] We got the tent all set up at the Grand Canyon. Of course, we had to be far enough away so that if got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, we were going to fall down the canyon. Right? But the fact that you could even go tent camping there back then was kind of crazy.
[00:17:32] And we got the tent camp all, you know, ready to go. It was cold because it was New Year's Eve, but it was like the clearest sky, night sky I have ever seen.
[00:17:48] Maybe being in Iceland, I saw a lot of night skies like that too. But camping at the Grand Canyon was unbelievable.
[00:17:59] Every star came out and the moon was not a full moon, but it was a bright moon. I remember that. And I remember thinking, wow, this is like a little slice of heaven. I can say with all honesty, the there is no way in hell I ever would have gone camping the way that I went camping with him.
[00:18:24] He taught me every single thing about camping.
[00:18:29] And for that I am very grateful to him. Because there's no way. I just. I don't know. I wouldn't have done it.
[00:18:37] I mean, I did. When we were kids, we would always throw the blanket over the clothesline and then we would put stones on four corners and my mom would let us take our sleeping bags out and we would sleep under that in that makeshift tent. So I guess I am somebody that's always like to sleep outdoors. It's one of those things that I just feel so close to nature and I enjoy.
[00:19:08] So I guess when I think about me camping, it really wasn't a stretch. I think it's the way he went about teaching me how to camp that I struggled with more than anything else. Because there was, like I said, never any discussion. He's teaching me. He's the master.
[00:19:28] No questions. You just do what I tell you to do.
[00:19:32] And I'm not very good at dealing with people like that.
[00:19:38] Kind Of, I mean he, I can be bossy, but I think he upped me like five times.
[00:19:44] So we struggled with that piece of our relationship.
[00:19:48] But I am grateful. The one thing about camping at the Grand Canyon that we were in our tent and all of a sudden we heard a rustling noise.
[00:20:02] And I kind of peeked out the back window of the tent and there were silver foxes at our campsite. There were three of them. Oh my God, they were so beautiful.
[00:20:16] They were absolutely beautiful. And we really weren't afraid because they weren't trying to do anything. I think they were just sniffing around. Probably if we would have had food out there, it might have been a problem, but it really wasn't a problem.
[00:20:31] And then Mike knew that they were there too, obviously. So he got some bread crumbs out and, and pieces of bread and then he put them out just outside of our tent and they actually came right up to the tent and ate.
[00:20:48] So that was kind of cool too.
[00:20:51] So that was really kind of interesting.
[00:20:55] But the backpacking trips, let's get back to that. Because I'm still at the stream. We decide we're going to stay there for three days. We're making breakfast in the morning, we're trying to eat something at night, some of the freeze dried stuff. But it was so awful, let me tell you, it was God awful. So we are eating our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a lot of the time.
[00:21:19] We did catch fresh trout though. And the food, the trout was really good. It was delicious in a frying pan. I never thought I would like it, but I'm telling you it was delicious.
[00:21:29] So that's how we were eating. We got to the end of the three days and I'm like, are we going back now? I think I've, I've had enough. I had a great time. Don't get me wrong, I'm really so glad we came, but I want to go back. And he said, yeah, I think I'm, I'm ready to go back too.
[00:21:49] So at that moment I got a moment of courage about me and I said to him, just to let you know, I am not carrying a 40 pound pack back to the mainland.
[00:22:05] He's like, what do you mean? That's how much it weighed when you carried it in. I said, yeah, but we have used up some of the food packets and there's a lot of extra things that we brought on this camping trip that we do not need to take back. He's like, what? Like what? I go, well you brought an extra pair of tennis shoes. So you're going to burn them up. He goes, what? I go, oh, yeah, light a fire. Because anything that I think is unnecessary, I am not bringing back with us. I want my pack to be a lot lighter, and I'm not hauling 40 pounds of stuff back out of this woods, this mountain.
[00:22:46] So he's like, okay. He actually went along with it and think He. He was so impressed that I had managed to make it through those three days, and we had actually had a very good time that he was willing to burn up his tennis shoes.
[00:23:03] We. I had an extra pair of tennis shoes, too. So we burned up our shoes. I think he burned up a couple of T shirts that he didn't feel like he needed anymore.
[00:23:12] Anything that was extra went into that fire.
[00:23:17] I think we had brought some. And it would be typical of me to bring some magazines along to read while I was there. All of that got burned up. Any extra paper, anything like I had, like graham crackers and peanut butter that I brought, all the wrapping for the graham crackers went in there. Anything that was extra that I was never needed to see again got burned up in that fire.
[00:23:44] And we had a raging fire on that last day because there was no way in hell that I was carrying that backpack back out weighing that much money, that much money, that much weight. 40 pounds was way over my limit, according to me, that day.
[00:24:05] So we had this raging fire, and we had to wait till everything burned down and put water on it to make sure that it wouldn't stop. Start any embers out there to start a fire in the. The woods. That's not something we would want to do. And we got everything all packed up, and my pack was considerably lighter. I bet it was probably 15 pounds lighter. 10 to 15 pounds lighter. I didn't feel so bad when I put it on my back.
[00:24:36] And he got rid of quite a bit, too. So he. Even though he wouldn't tell me, I know that he was happy that I had thrown up my little hissy fit and said, there's no way in hell, buddy. I'm not carrying this stuff back to the mainland.
[00:24:54] So we got everything packed up, and then we started our trek back out of the woods.
[00:25:01] We never saw one person when we went in. We never saw one person when we went out. And the whole three days we were there, we never saw another person.
[00:25:14] We were free to frolic in nature, and it was really so great. There's nothing like being outdoors, especially at night, with a fire sitting by the tent.
[00:25:29] I mean, I absolutely love camping even now. At my age, I love it. I can't get enough of it. And it's so funny because my mom was completely, completely opposite from me in so many ways, okay? And I was telling her, oh, we went backpacking, mom. She's like, what's that?
[00:25:51] When I think about it, so funny. So I'm explaining to her how I'm carrying a 40 pound pack and hiking into the Sierra Nevada mountains. And she's like, oh, good Lord, why would anybody want to do that? I go, mom, it's so great to be outdoors. It's so wonderful, so peaceful. We're on a stream. She's like, oh, please, no. She says, dawn, my idea of camping is a black and white TV in a Hilton hotel.
[00:26:20] I think about that every time I go camping now because my mom is always with me. And I know I can just see her rolling her eyes and saying, oh, good God, if you knew my mom, for all of you out there, then you know how funny this really is.
[00:26:43] But I'm grateful to my ex husband and he did teach me a few things. He taught me how to sail a sailboat.
[00:26:51] He taught me how to go camping. He taught me how to persevere in being in a bike trek.
[00:26:59] I mean, he taught me a lot of things. And maybe I wouldn't have ever had the stamina that I had if I wasn't married to him because he was quite the taskmaster.
[00:27:11] And for all of those things, I'm grateful.
[00:27:14] It was unfortunate that we were so opposite, and it was a miracle that we even got married. And I bet maybe if we hadn't been in the Navy and we didn't have that commonality, we probably never would have gotten together.
[00:27:32] But he taught me a lot of things that I still do today, and for that I'm grateful.
[00:27:41] I hope you enjoyed the podcast today.
[00:27:46] It's always good to hear some of my crazy adventures until the next time.
