Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hi, everyone. This is Dawn Clem, and you're on my podcast, Milkweed and monarchs. Today, I'm going to talk to you about the third lesson that I learned while I was in the military that has stayed with me all my life. So the first two, as you might recall, were being a team member as one of the most important roles of your life. And number two, it's okay to say when you've had enough.
[00:00:34] Today's lesson should be titled, you should know how to swim if you're going to join the Navy.
[00:00:44] It's true. I was 19 years old when I joined the navy, and I could not swim. Okay?
[00:00:51] But I've changed the name of the lesson to be kindness changes everything, and you'll understand it as we go on in the story.
[00:01:04] So I've already told you that I was born and raised in a small town in Michigan. And in our town, we had a large lake, and we still do. The lake is there. It's a great source of entertainment for the town and the community, and we were very lucky to have it when we were growing up.
[00:01:24] We had three elementary schools when I was growing up. And during the summer months, the buses would come to those three schools and pick children up and bus them out to the beach for a couple of hours every afternoon during the weekdays.
[00:01:43] The first time we went on the bus, my mom went with us, actually. I think it was the first couple of times she liked going to the beach, too, but she just wanted to make sure that we were familiar with what the routine was going to be. Once we got to the beach, we each would bring a towel and a pail to play with, and we started out going. I think we were pretty young, maybe four and five years old, or four and six years old, and we probably went all the way up to ten years old, I would say.
[00:02:17] And it was the greatest joy. There was a swing set there. They had a big sandy beach there. And of course, they had a snack area so that you could buy, like the nutty buddies or drumsticks and ice cream, ice cream bars and just fudge sickles, all that kind of stuff they had there. You could get a slushy or snow cone kind of thing. So what kid would not want to get on a bus, go to the beach, and just hang out for the day? I mean, it was just so much fun.
[00:02:58] So after we were kind of secure enough in going, my mom wouldn't go with us. It would just be my brother and myself, and sometimes some of the neighbor kids would join in with us and we would have just build sand castles or I would try to collect shells if there was anything around or different rocks kind of thing. I remember I always walked out to my knees and that was about as far as I would ever go. I just never went any farther than that.
[00:03:31] Well, my dad, before he married my mom, had been married previously and he was divorced. He had two daughters from that first marriage and they were ten and 15 years older than us.
[00:03:48] The one that was 15 years older lived with her mom, but the one that was ten years older lived in our family with us. So she was 1617 years old when we were going to the beach. And she knew that my brother and I were going to the beach. So one day she decided that she was going to come and get me and my brother from the beach and bring us over to a different part of the water. It wasn't far away, but it wasn't where everybody was hanging out. She had her boyfriend with her and she had this brilliant idea that she wanted to play chicken, which I had no understanding of what that even meant, but she wanted me to get on the shoulders of her boyfriend and she wanted my brother to get on her shoulders. Then we were supposed to wrestle each other and the first one that fell off into the water was the loser and the other one was the winner. So she knew that I wasn't the biggest fit swimmer.
[00:04:53] Like I said, I barely went up to my knees or maybe my waist, but I was not going in very far in the water and everybody knew that at the time.
[00:05:03] So they take us out in the lake, farther out, and my brother and I are starting to push each other and I'm starting to have a panic attack at that point. I'm like, oh, no, this is not going to end well. And finally I start crying. I go, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.
[00:05:21] She was so annoyed with me. As you can imagine, she's a 16 year old trying to look cool for her boyfriend and so she's like, okay, just let her down. Well, he was annoyed too, and so he let me down, but basically he shoved me into the water and I went underwater and I came out of that water and I remember I was just so upset and I was crying and crying and crying.
[00:05:49] That was pretty much the start of my very bad relationship with water.
[00:05:56] I ran back to the beach area and I sat on the bench just waiting for the bus. And my brother came over. He was trying to console me, but I think he thought I was a sissy, which I kind of was a sissy, but it was still traumatic to me at the time.
[00:06:11] We went home, and I never really told my mom about it, but I had started thinking about it, and I know she was thinking about it, too, and she said, I think you should go have some swimming lessons. I said, you know, I think that's probably a good idea. I was all in for swimming lessons if it was going to make me feel better about being in the water. So the first set of swimming lessons I had was actually at Bobby's lake. And at the lake where we were, you know, the instructor takes you, and one of the first things they want you to do is put your face in the water and blow bubbles. And I was petrified even to do that. I don't like anything over my nose. I mean, it was years later, my mom told me she thought I was claustrophobic, and that could be part of my reason for not really liking the water, but I don't know. So I would get assigned to swimming class every week, and most of the time, I just wouldn't show up. I just wouldn't go. She would think I was going because I was on the bus and I would go to the lake, but I didn't go to swimming lessons. I couldn't stand it. I just couldn't stand it. So then she's like, well, maybe the lake is too much for her. We had the college there as well, and they had a big pool there, so she thought maybe a closed environment would make me feel safer. And one of my friends that I've known almost all my life was going to be taking swimming lessons, too. So she says, this is a better plan. Let's try this and see how it goes. So I started out at the pool to have swimming lessons and same kind of thing. Put your face in the water, blow bubbles, same kind of thing. I couldn't stand anything over my nose like that.
[00:08:10] I don't know. I just clam up when that happens. I feel like I'm going to suffocate.
[00:08:16] But this woman was quite aggravated with me for being kind of a little.
[00:08:21] I mean, she didn't call me a sissy, but she might as well have called me a sissy. I mean, it wasn't even till just recently that my friend thought that she was mean to me, and I didn't even realize it at the time. She said, I don't think I would have learned how to swim if somebody was talking to me the same way she talked to you at the time. You don't realize it because you're in the middle of your own personal horror show trying to figure out, am I going to get through this or not? So it really wasn't about the instructor. I didn't have any ill feelings towards the instructor. I was just outright terrified.
[00:08:57] So here we are. I get into high school, still not swimming. I do go in boats, though, and I kayak and I do a lot of things on top of the water. I just don't like to have the water over my head. That is where the big challenge comes in.
[00:09:17] But I was at a friend's swimming pool with her, and I was on a floaty at the deep end of the pool. And one of our guy friends thought it would be so funny to dump me into the deep end. And of course he did. He turned over the floaty down, I went out, I shot, and then I'm like, that's it. I guess I'm going to go home. That was it. I never stayed for the rest of the afternoon. Just couldn't take it. So here, you know, three years later, joining the navy. In my mind, though, I mean, why would I have to take a swimming test in the navy? I'm not going to be on a boat. I'm not going to be stationed anywhere near water where I'm going to be doing water rescue. I just didn't think it was going to be a requirement. And, you know, the Navy recruiter never one time mentioned having to take a swimming test. So I joined the Navy without it even being a thought in my head that I was going to have to pass a swim test while I was at boot camp. I think it was about the third week. A lot of things happened that third week, as you know.
[00:10:30] And the petty officer came to see us at night when we were ironing our uniforms, and he said, tomorrow you're going to be taking a swim test. I'm like, what is he talking about? What? Wait, what? He said, yeah, we'll get through with lunch, come back here, get your suits on, and then I'll take you to the pool. Oh, my God. I'm thinking, how in the heck is this going to. What is going to happen here? I don't know what's going to happen. I was petrified. I don't think I slept very well that night. I was just stewing about it.
[00:11:06] Get through my morning classes the next day, get my swimsuit on, get to the pool, walk out with all of my teammates.
[00:11:18] And the instructor comes over and he says, you need to pass the swim test in order to get through boot camp.
[00:11:25] The test is you'll jump off the diving board at the deep end. You'll swim from the deep end to the shallow end, turn around and swim back to the deep end. If you do that, you've passed your test and you're done. I'm like, there's no way that's going to happen. This cannot be happening because that's not going to happen. I mean, that's all I could think. So, of course, my name gets called out. I climb up all the stairs to the diving board, and first of all, let me just say, the diving board was way up in the air. It wasn't like four steps up. It was probably 20 steps up. So that petrified me even more. I get to the end of the diving board, and I literally froze.
[00:12:11] And the swim instructor is down in the deep end by the diving board. He looks up at me and he says, jump. And I shook my head no.
[00:12:25] And then he yelled again, jump. And this time I said, no.
[00:12:31] So then I see him kind of signal to another instructor that's there. And before I knew it, that other instructor had climbed up the ladder and was on the diving board with me. And he said to me, jump. I said, no. And the other instructor pushed me off the diving board and down I plunged into the deep end of that pool, but out, I came out of that water about as fast as you could, and the instructor was waiting right there. He grabbed a hold of me, he looked me right in the eye, and he said, you failed.
[00:13:10] I don't think that was a shock to anyone at the time, but he clarified it. Just to make sure. He took me over to the side of the pool and helped me get out of the pool. And he said, you're going to be taking swimming lessons. You need to pass a swimming test or you are not going to get out of boot camp. That's it. That's as simple as that. So I'm like, okay, I got you. So I went back to the locker room, I got dressed, and I just sat there thinking about, I am not going home. I can't go home. I have no plans for my life. I have nothing that I'm going to do. I'm not going back. I'm going to go forward.
[00:13:59] There were at least five other girls that didn't pass the swim test, which was good.
[00:14:05] There's sympathy in numbers, right? We were all commiserating, but in my mind, I had made up my mind that day, I am going to pass that swim test, I don't care what I have to do. I am going to do it.
[00:14:19] So they gave me a schedule and I went back. I think it was every Tuesday for the next three weeks, and I would have swimming lessons, and it would start out in the shallow end. Same thing. You have to put your face in the water, blow the bubbles, get used to the water being around your face.
[00:14:42] Gradually, he would get me moved down farther down the pool, take me down to the deep end finally.
[00:14:52] So he was so patient and kind. I cannot say enough about him. I really wish I would remember his name because he made such a difference to me in the way he treated me and encouraged me.
[00:15:09] I made it through. I think it was four weeks. I ended up going four weeks. But during the three weeks, I was there for, like, 2 hours at a time.
[00:15:20] And first I learned how to swim just in the shallow end. So I would swim from one side of the pool back to the other side in the shallow end. It didn't seem so, you know, I knew at any time if I started to have a panic attack, I could put my feet down and I could be standing up. So I was okay with that. And then he would just gradually move me, know, move me down, move me down. Finally, it got to week four, and he said, don, I really think you can do it. I think you can do it. You're swimming at the deep end now. I've been right here with you. You're going to be fine. You can do it. So I'm like, okay. I don't think he called me Don, by the way. He called me hn pharaoh, which is what we were called as recruits in boot camp. But to me, he was calling me Don because he was showing me such kindness.
[00:16:17] So the big day comes, and I had to climb back up that diving board, okay? I had to do it. I got to the end of the diving board. He said, jump. Guess what? I jumped. I jumped. I touched the bottom of the pool. I came up, and he grabbed a hold of me, and he righted me, and he said, okay, now swim down to the other end. And I did. I swam down to the other end, turned around, and swam all the way back by myself. He looked at me and he goes, guess what? You passed. Boy, that's an occasion for the stories, right? The experiences of a lifetime right there for my lifetime. It was amazing. And I knew then I was going to make it through boot camp. I was going to do it because I said I was going to do it. I did it. I overcame something that I was so terrified of. And so, yes, I should have known how to swim before I joined boot camp. There's absolutely no doubt about it. But kindness changed everything because I had somebody that actually took the time and care to help me make it through this challenge in my life. And he encouraged me, he supported me, he took his time. I didn't feel rushed, and I was just so grateful that I was able to pass that swimming test, and I knew I was going to make it out of boot camp.
[00:18:04] So here we are. I'm an Adult now, well into adulthood, right?
[00:18:12] And I still don't really go swimming. No, I'm not a swimmer. To this day, I'm not a swimmer, but I've been on a cruise.
[00:18:20] Like I said in the beginning, I go kayaking. We have a river here that I've been kayaking on several times, and I love it. And my friend owns that pontoon boat, and I've been down to visit her condo several times in Tennessee, and I do go out there.
[00:18:38] Well, two years ago, we decided we were going to take all twelve of our friends down to Tennessee, and we ended up renting two cabins on the water in pigeonhole, Tennessee. There's a lot to do in pigeonhole, but the good part of it was she was able to bring her pontoon boat from her condo over and dock it by the cabins where we were staying. So that was so exciting for all of us to be able to have that pontoon boat there.
[00:19:13] And I just remember thinking to myself, all this time you've been doing all these things, dawn. There's no reason why you should not go in the water. This is ridiculous. And you're surrounded by all of your friends, all of your friends who know how to swim. Really, you can do it. I'm giving myself a pep talk. Right?
[00:19:36] I took my husband's life vest with me on that trip. It zips up. Probably they all do now. That's how outdated I am. But I decided that I was going to put that vest on, and I was going out in the water.
[00:19:53] The water there in Tennessee is.
[00:19:57] The Tennessee Water Authority flooded a whole bunch of land. I don't know how many years ago it was, but they turned it into this beautiful, long lake, and it's got little tributaries off from it all over the place. And it's so beautiful.
[00:20:17] I mean, it's just spectacular. You can see mountains, you can see trees. There's some the most beautiful houses on the water, of course. And a lot of people go out there and just either you can sail on it, you can have these big yachts on it, you can have the pontoons on it, you can ski, you can do everything on that water. It's so beautiful. So much room for everybody.
[00:20:44] That's the big thing about it. So I thought, I am going to go out on the water. All my friends are going to be there. There's no reason why I can't get in the water. I'm going. I got the life vest on and I'm going to go.
[00:20:57] So my friend, the one that convinced me to go to college, is the one that owns the pontoon boat.
[00:21:06] She and my other friend who was with me during all my horrible swimming lessons, was on the other side of me. They were on either side of me, and they were like, you can do this. You've got this, dawn. And actually, I did go out in the water. I went out in the water with that life vest on, and it was in the deep end. It was deep. Really deep. I mean, I wasn't that as petrified as I thought I was. I mean, I can't say that I was overjoyed, but it really wasn't as bad as I thought. And you know what? It was so peaceful, in a way. Even with all of my friends around hooting and hollering, I felt that peace out there, and I had the vest on. I think the only thing about that experience was that the vest kind of pushes your head forward. All I could think about is, I'm going to face plant my face right into the water, and I'm going to drown. But my friend from swimming lessons kept saying to me, it's impossible for you to drown. You're never going to drown, dawn. You are not going to drown. So, you see, it's an unreasonable fear that I have still stuck in my brain somewhere.
[00:22:19] It was many years after the Navy when my mom finally told me that she thinks I'm claustrophobic. Thank you for sharing that with me. But she told me when I was a little girl, every time she would try to put a sweater or something on me, if it was on too long, I would start screaming, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. So I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I have no idea. But I can tell you one thing.
[00:22:49] It was kindness that changed everything for me. So that navy swim instructor was fantastic. He was so kind and patient, and my two friends were absolutely amazing.
[00:23:07] And if you don't have kindness to help people through these hard times in their life.
[00:23:16] It makes all the difference. I mean, it's hard enough for me to even get in the water. If I've got somebody making fun of me or challenging me or pushing me, it's not going to make it a better experience.
[00:23:29] The experience comes because people took their time to encourage me and help me get through something that wasn't so easy for me.
[00:23:41] So that's my third lesson that I've learned in my life and I try so hard to be kind to people.
[00:23:49] I try with all my might because there are sometimes when I don't feel like being kind, believe me. But I just know kindness is the better way.
[00:24:00] So there's your third and final lesson that I learned from being in the navy that have been with me all these years.
[00:24:09] Be the best team member that you can be, no matter what team you're on.
[00:24:17] Know that it's okay to say when you've had enough and kindness changes everything.
[00:24:28] This concludes my episode for today of Milkweed and monarchs. Thank you so much for listening. Th don't forget to join me again.
[00:24:38] I'll have another one that I'm going to be posting in the next couple of days and then I will still go every two weeks for two episodes at a time.
[00:24:51] Feedback all feedback is welcome and have a great rest of your day. Bye.
