Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hi, everyone. This is Dawn Clem, and you are on my podcast, Milkweed and monarchs. For those of you that were or are Facebook friends with me, I had posted my wedding invitation from 30 years ago. The only reason really, why I posted it is because it was handmade, and so I kept a copy of it, and my husband really loved the invitation, but we had our 30th wedding anniversary, and it was wonderful.
[00:00:35] And so I'm just sharing that with my friends. But I got a lot of comments back about how did you meet your husband? It's always so interesting to hear how people meet.
[00:00:48] And would you mind telling the story on your podcast, which I thought, you know, yeah, why not? Should tell that story. It is worth hearing that story. And I may even have my husband weigh in, because, of course, his take on how we met and my take on how we met are completely different. So it will be good for you to hear that story.
[00:01:12] But before I can really talk about how I met my husband, there's a whole nother piece that I should put in there. And it's about how I ended my first marriage and ended up moving to Portland, Maine.
[00:01:32] So my husband and I, my first husband and I were living in Worcester, Massachusetts. And I'm pretty sure I've shared with you that I went through an associate degree program there for registered nursing. I graduated at the end of 1988, and he was going through a cardiovascular technician program, and he graduated from his program in spring of 1989. When I graduated, I got a job right away at St. Vincent's Hospital in Worcester, and I was working on the orthopedic unit.
[00:02:16] Great job, by the way. The people were wonderful there.
[00:02:21] I really, really liked that job a lot.
[00:02:24] It was during a time where we had nursing shortages really bad.
[00:02:31] And so I got a $1000 sign on bonus, which was great. And then if I stayed there for six months, I was going to get another $1,000 for remaining with the organization.
[00:02:45] But my husband graduated, and he couldn't find a job in Worcester, probably partly because the program was in Worcester, so the market was already flooded with technicians out there. But he was able to get a job at Cape Cod hospital, working with the lead cardiologist down there in his office practice. And so he got a job, and he says, okay, I got a job now, so you're gonna have to go down and. And get a job at the hospital, see if you can get a job. So I went down to Cape Cod. And what? Got a fairly quick interview and got hired fairly quickly. And part of the reason, I think at that time, it was right before summer hit on Cape Cod. It's pretty quiet during the winter months, but once summer hits down there, there's a lot of tourists. And so they were looking to make sure that they had enough nursing staff in the hospital. Hospital. So timing was everything, and I got a job there. I worked three evenings a week on a medical surgical unit.
[00:04:01] The nurses that I worked with on that unit were phenomenal. Most of them were like, in their late forties, early fifties. A couple of them were in their sixties. I was in my early thirties. I was 31.
[00:04:18] So they were like, they took good care of me. They really, really were helping me grow into being just a great nurse. And I am so grateful to all of them. When I think about working at Cape Cod Hospital, even though it was only for a very short time, I remember it fondly because they were just an incredible staff nurses and it was a good experience for me.
[00:04:50] So my husband's company that had hired him gave him an allowance. They were actually going to pay for our housing, I think it was at least for the first six months. And so we did find a beautiful condominium on Buck Island Road. If anybody, anybody that listens to this podcast knows Cape Cod, you'll know Buck island. It's a, it's a very famous road on Cape Cod.
[00:05:22] And so our living quarters were absolutely spectacular.
[00:05:27] But I'm not going to go into a lot of details about my ex husband. I'm saving that for a number one bestseller.
[00:05:38] I mean, we. I don't know how we managed to stay married for seven years. What I went through in those seven years is unbelievable. And I'm sure he has his own take on those seven years, so it would probably be better served in a book and not on my podcast. And I've been married to my husband now for 30 years, so I don't like to go backwards on it.
[00:06:09] But what I will say is that we hadn't been living there very long when it became very apparent that I was not going to be able to stay married to him.
[00:06:27] It had just gone on for too long and not in a good way. And so I was going to have to make a, a change. And I knew that I had my nursing friends on the inpatient unit that were kind of like my mother, my mom.
[00:06:46] I had like ten moms and ten best friends. I mean, they were definitely looking out for my well being, and so they would, they were encouraging me to move on in my life, too.
[00:07:02] I did go to a therapist. I mean, I think that's one of the funniest things. I always kind of joke about this. So when we were in San Diego, I went to therapy. When we lived in Worcester, I went to therapy twice in Worcester. And one time, I actually had him come to therapy with me. And then I got to Cape Cod, and I went to therapy again. So the whole entire time I was married to him, I was in therapy. Therapy. That should have been a clear indication that something was wrong. But, no, I kept trying. I remember my aunt sue always used to say to me, of all the people I know in my life, you are one of the most tenacious. I had to actually look that up, and I think that is true. I don't like to quit easily. It takes me a long time to make up my mind about something, but I can tell you, when I finally do make up my mind, it's over, and I do not go back. And this is kind of like what happened with my ex husband. I finally just got to the point of, this is ridiculous. What am I doing?
[00:08:16] So, we had lived in that condo for a year, and the lease was now up. That was an opportunity for me. So I said, I'm not gonna. I'm not moving in with you. I don't want to live with you anymore. We're gonna separate.
[00:08:33] So I found a little condo in Hyannis port that was right down the street from the water. It was so cute. I just loved it. Right around the corner from the Kennedy compound. So it was. It was a beautiful location.
[00:08:51] I moved in there, and he moved. He rented a house.
[00:09:00] And then my friend Liz, who, if you've been listening to any of my podcasts, that name might sound familiar. She's the one that I went horseback riding with in episode 911.
[00:09:16] She. She never really cared for my ex husband because of some of the things that had gone on. So she was really encouraging me, don't stay separated. Just move on with your life. Now is the time. And I said, yeah, really, she is right. She's right. It is time for me to move on. So I hired an attorney. And, of course he hired an attorney.
[00:09:41] His.
[00:09:43] The cardiologist that he worked for had been married and divorced, like, three times. He was making a lot of money, so he had a high priced attorney. So he recommended this attorney to my ex husband.
[00:09:59] So, basically, what I'm saying to you is that he ended up with everything, including our 401K.
[00:10:09] My lawyer was like, well, you can fight for this. I'm like, I'm not gonna fight. I don't care. I'm young enough, I can start all over again. I really don't care. I just want this to be done and over. That's all I care about.
[00:10:27] So he's like, okay, Don. So in the fall of the following year, after we moved down there, we went to court, and I had petitioned the court to change my name back to my maiden name.
[00:10:44] So my friend Liz came to court with me, and I'll never forget it. They're like, you know, do you want to change your name back to your maiden name? Yes, I do. Okay. That's been granted. So are you saying irreconcilable differences? Yes, I am. Okay. Your divorce has been granted. So I was like, oh, thank God. So we walk out of the courthouse, and we walk over to the car, and we get in the car, she's driving me and my ex husband walks over to the car, and he said, I'm really sorry about the way that everything turned out. Oh, and that was the other thing. He got everything. Really, I could care less. And I said, you know, I don't feel badlandhouse, because you might have gotten everything, but you didn't get me, and that's all that counts. And then Liz and I drove off. I think we went out to lunch. So that was good.
[00:11:52] When I went to lunch, I was like, what am I gonna do now, Liz? She's like, don, you gotta leave here. I go, really? She says, yes, you cannot stay here. You've got to move on.
[00:12:02] She said, I just went to a conference up in Portland, Maine. That's about 3 hours from here.
[00:12:10] And she was an ultrasound technician. She said, that hospital is great, but they also have a university up there. I really think that would be a good place for you to start all over again. You've been talking about going back and getting your bachelor's degree. Maybe you'll even go for your master's degree. But the hospital itself is really great. I think you'll be satisfied. So I said, okay, you know, I'm going to look into it. So same thing.
[00:12:43] You don't. You have to drive up there to get the application. You have to look in the paper to see if there's jobs, that whole same kind of thing. Because it was a whole different story. Like, now we can do everything online. It's unbelievable the change that's happened just in these last 40 years. It's incredible, really. But I drove the 3 hours up there. I filled out an application. They called me fairly quickly, um, when I got back home, I think within, by the end of that week, they called me and had scheduled an interview for me.
[00:13:24] So I drove up there for the interview in November, and, um, I got up there, and I went into the interview. It was for a renal floor or kidney floor. They did dialysis and kidney transplant patients on that floor.
[00:13:49] And the dialysis patients, we would send the ones out that went on the machine for dialysis, but we were all trained in peritoneal dialysis, so that's just a less passive way of being dialyzed. So I was gonna get a lot of good training, and I was interested in the kidney. That's a major organ in the body. So the whole thing sounded really fascinating to me.
[00:14:18] So I interviewed with them, and the interview was done. It was with the head nurse, one of the charge nurses, and a couple of the nurses that were working there. Plus, I think they had the secretary in there, too, just to let me know what the inner workings were. And they asked me how I felt after the interview, and I said, oh, I think it sounds kind of exciting. It would be something new and different for me, and I would like to explore this if I have the opportunity. And the manager said to me at that time, well, I can tell you right now, we're going to talk after you leave, but I feel pretty confident that we're going to hire you. And if I were you, I would just go back to Cape Cod Hospital and give them your notice.
[00:15:09] I was like, really?
[00:15:11] She's like, yeah, yeah, that was a great interview, and we would love to have you join our team. So I was really excited about that. I was on top of the world, as they say.
[00:15:25] And I left the. The unit, and I walked out down to the front lobby, and in the front lobby, they have their gift shop. And I go, I'm gonna go into the gift shop, and I'm gonna buy myself something to celebrate.
[00:15:45] I don't know. It was a lot of change going on all at once, and this felt like something positive for me. Right? So I went into the gift shop, and I picked out a wind chime, which I still have, and I went up to the counter to pay for the wind chime, and the lady looked at me, and she said, oh, what brings you into the hospital today? Are you here visiting someone? I said, actually, no. I just came from a job interview, and I think they're going to hire me. I think they actually are. That's what she said anyway. And that there was a gentleman standing behind me in line, and he said, did you say you just got hired for a job? Up here? I said, yeah, I think I really did. He said, well, do you have a place to live? I said, no, I don't. He said, I have apartments for rent. And it just so happens I have a lovely apartment for rent right now. If you wait for me to pay for this item, I would be happy to take you over to the apartment complex. I know this sounds crazy. This does sound crazy, but this is exactly what happened, okay? And, you know, I've learned now in my life that when things happen that quickly like that, they're happening for a reason.
[00:17:10] It was definitely a sign from God. There's no doubt in my mind that God was in my corner that day. And so it was amazing.
[00:17:21] So I followed him over to the apartment complex. I went up to the upstairs to the second unit. Oh, my gosh. It was the cutest, cutest, cutest little apartment. One bedroom, one bathroom, big living room, adorable eating kitchen. And it had a back porch. And if you walk just a little bit down the hill, you were right on the eastern promenade in Portland, Maine, which overlooked the ocean. The hospital is located on the western promenade, and the ocean is on that end, too. So you could just walk right straight down from Congress street from one end to the other end. So I could go to work and then walk home and walk back to work. Or I could drive, too, because, of course, you know, there's parking when you work at the hospital. But I was really excited about that. That was. Seemed really good. So I said, yes, I'll definitely take this apartment.
[00:18:24] And I went home that day, back to the cape with a job and a new place to live. And I was so excited. I can't even tell you how excited I was. I'm like, how could this even have happened so quickly like that, you know? It was awesome.
[00:18:42] So I called Liz up. I told her exactly, you know, how things had gone, that I'd gotten a job, and I found a place to live.
[00:18:51] I had to go back to the hospital, Cape Cod hospital, and tell everybody there that I was leaving. That was kind of sad because the doctors and the nurses had just been so great to me.
[00:19:05] I had to work there for another couple weeks, and they threw a big party for me. They gave me an antique sea trunk, which I still have, and I still have a big, huge card that everybody signed for me. I've kept it with me wherever I've moved because I'll just never forget the community and the family. And they really helped me move forward in my life. And I will always be grateful to all of them.
[00:19:37] So you would think that would just be the end of the story. But no, it's not the end of the story at all.
[00:19:49] I got packed up in December. Liz came with her truck, and some of my friends husbands came. And we all packed up her truck and my car.
[00:20:05] And Liz and I drove up there.
[00:20:08] And I think it actually ended up to be. It was between the week of Christmas and New Year's Eve. Because I remember saying, I'm gonna start 1991 in a new state with a new life. That's what I was thinking.
[00:20:29] So it was snow. There was so much snow everywhere. And the two of us are like, hauling my couch, a sofa sleeper, up two flights of stairs to the living room. Thank God we didn't have to move it into the bedroom. My bed, my mattress and box springs. We're moving all of this stuff up there.
[00:20:52] But we managed to get it through. We managed to put everything all together. I absolutely could not have done it without her, either. I mean, she definitely encouraged me all along the way. I am so lucky to have her still in my life.
[00:21:12] So, I had made up my mind when I was starting the hospital. As you know, I told you, I had already changed my name back to my maiden name. But I had made the decision that I wasn't going to tell anybody that I had been married. And I was now divorced. Really, to tell you the truth, I was ashamed that I got a divorce. I don't know, I just didn't feel like. Like, why couldn't I make it work? Well, part of the reason why is it does take two people to make it work, which is true. And part of the reason was we really weren't meant to be together. I'm telling you, it was like oil and water. We were never gonna be able to come to a meeting of the minds. It just wasn't meant to be in any way.
[00:22:04] And so I had to go back to therapy to get myself straightened out just for that.
[00:22:14] But I said, how I can start here with my new life is by pretending this never happened at all. But you can't really run away from your past, Kenya. And that's really what I found out. You can't run away from your past. Your past is part of who you are. And really, the seven years that I was married to him did make me strong.
[00:22:41] It taught me a lot of things that I have used in my life today.
[00:22:47] So you can't regret it. You gotta just keep moving forward.
[00:22:53] That's what I learned. But at the time, I didn't know that.
[00:23:00] So I just. Everybody kept asking me, do you have a boyfriend? No, I don't have a boyfriend. I'm single. You know, that whole kind of thing. This is me getting to know people that I work with, going out with people, you know, just trying to make myself more social.
[00:23:16] And I had been working at the hospital, you know, probably for about.
[00:23:23] Yeah, about six weeks. Cause it was right around Valentine's Day and I was working the three to eleven shift. So I was in the report room giving. Getting report from my shift. We always used to have little report rooms where the nurses would talk to each other directly about the patients.
[00:23:44] And then the oncoming nurse could ask any questions. And it was a good way to really communicate about the patients. We do bedside rounding now, which is even better because now the patient is actually involved in what's going on. You can still tell private things, but you don't necessarily have to say all of that in front of the patient and it works out good.
[00:24:10] But then we were behind closed doors trying to maintain confidentiality. So we were in there and I'm getting report, and all of a sudden there's a knock on the door and Shirley, the housekeeper, comes in. She said, dawn, you're not going to believe it. I go, believe what she says. Come out to the desk, you've got to see this. I'm thinking to myself, what is going on here? Right? So I walk out to the desk and there is a beautiful vase of a dozen long stem red roses.
[00:24:46] And she said, these are for you. I go, from who?
[00:24:50] I mean, I've been there six whole weeks, right? So I look at the card and they're from my ex husband. I'm like, what the heck is going on? I divorced you, I changed my name back to my maiden name and I moved out of state.
[00:25:14] What do you mean? Why are you sending me flowers? I sent you such a clear message, right? That's what I was thinking to myself.
[00:25:25] I'm like.
[00:25:26] She said, aren't they beautiful? I said, they really are beautiful. She said, nobody's ever really sent me a dozen red roses before. I go, really? She said, yeah, no, I never have. I go, would you like these? She goes, what? I go, yeah, you can take them. Take them home, Shirley. You deserve it. Enjoy them.
[00:25:46] I want you to have them. She says, you do? I said, yes, please take the roses home. Please, please, please. When you leave today, the roses are going with you. She says, okay, thank you. I'm so happy. I went back to the report room and I went about my business I thought they go, who were those roses from, dawn?
[00:26:12] I'm like, they're there.
[00:26:16] It's just from somebody that I had dated. There's no interest there.
[00:26:22] I'm trying to move forward kind of thing. Still didn't own up to the fact that I was divorced. Okay. Newly divorced.
[00:26:32] I figured, okay, dodged a bull at that time, right?
[00:26:36] Oh, no, no, no. Of course not. That would be too easy.
[00:26:41] The next week, the same scenario. I am not kidding you. There's a knock on the report door.
[00:26:51] In comes Shirley. Dawn, you're not gonna believe it. You have to come out to the front desk. I'm like, what? Come on. Just come. I go out to the front desk. There's a dozen long stem pink roses. They were so beautiful, I have to admit. She goes, aren't they the most gorgeous thing you've ever seen? I said, they really are so pretty, Shirley, they're beautiful. She says, here's the card. So I look at the card. Yep, they're from my ex husband.
[00:27:24] I said, shirley, do you want them? She says, what? I said, yeah, do you want them? She said, I would love them. I go, take them home. They're yours, Shirley.
[00:27:35] They're all yours. She said, don, you have to tell us what is going on here. Said, nothing. He's still pursuing me, but I'm not interested. That's the only thing that's going on.
[00:27:49] I went back to report and went about my business, and I'm thinking, why? You know, that's all I could say to myself. Why? Why? Why?
[00:28:03] But I'm sticking with my mantra.
[00:28:07] I wasn't divorced. I was single, and it was somebody that I wasn't interested in. Half of it was true. Okay, so the third week comes in, comes Shirley into the report room. This is getting old, right? That's what I was thinking.
[00:28:29] Done.
[00:28:31] You're not gonna believe this. I go, what? Come out to the desk. I go, not again.
[00:28:38] You've got to be kidding me. She says, no, you've got to come.
[00:28:43] So I went out to the desk, and sure enough, there were a dozen yellow, long stem red, not red, long stem roses. And I'm like, oh, my God. This cannot be happening. Why is this even happening?
[00:29:04] And Shirley goes, Don, something is going on. Nobody sends three dozen roses to somebody.
[00:29:13] I go, Shirley, I wasn't going to say anything, but I might as well just let the cat out of the bag. I just went through a divorce. I changed my name back, and I moved out of state, and I'm trying to start a whole new life. Shirley. And I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anybody, because I just didn't want to tell anybody I was divorced. She goes, half the people up here have been divorced on, what is your problem? I don't know. I said, I just feel like such a failure. She goes, you're not a failure. Obviously you did something right, or why are you getting roses? And I go, well, I guess you do have a good point there, Shirley. I don't know what my problem is, but you're the only one I'm telling for now. So she's like, okay, now I'm convinced this is it. And I have started to tell one person anyway, and I don't have to worry about it now. It's gonna be over. What more could he possibly do, right? Wrong.
[00:30:17] Week four comes, there's a knock on the door. Report room door. In comes Shirley.
[00:30:25] Shirley says, don.
[00:30:28] I said, shirley, no, not again. She said, don, yes, again. I said, this cannot be happening. She said, don, it is happening. Come out to the desk. So I go out to the desk, and this time there were four red roses, four yellow roses, and four pink roses, and they were still from my ex husband. Who else would they be from? I hadn't lived up there long enough. So that is how I got introduced as the nurse on the floor. On that floor. From that point on, I finally just ended up telling everybody that it was my ex husband. He hadn't really wanted to get a divorce, and it was his way of trying to let me know that he wanted to be able to work it out. But we were not going to be working it out, because I had made up my mind that it was over.
[00:31:30] And so, Shirley, go ahead and take them home. And Shirley did take them home, and they all joked to me, from that day forward, the nurse that gets all the roses, the one whose husband didn't really want a divorce, I go, yeah, but if you think that I changed my name back to my maiden name, I moved out of state, and I legally divorced him in court, is this something that you would expect? And all of them go, no. I said, okay, I rest my case.
[00:32:14] I just kept moving forward from that day on, the day of the last delivery of roses.
[00:32:23] And Shirley became such a great ally to me. If I ever needed anything, she would help me in so many ways. I was so lucky, and it was such a good way for me to start out my new life as a singly, newly divorced, single, single, newly divorced person.
[00:32:54] I hope you enjoyed my story today.
[00:32:57] It's funny, it's funny, it's crazy, and it's kind of sad, too, but it is what it is.
[00:33:04] And the moral of the story really is you can't run away from your past. You just can't. And really, why would you want to? Because all the parts and pieces have to be integrated into who you are as a person. And I learned so much during the seven years that I was married to him and during the time that I obviously tried to move on in my life. And so none of it was a waste of time. But I have since been very happily married to my new husband.
[00:33:38] That story you will hear the next time around.
[00:33:47] If you have any questions and or comments, please go on my website, milkmon.com. milkmon.com.
[00:34:00] At the bottom of the page is a little section where you can fill out questions. And if you're somebody that's interested in me telling your story on the podcast, or if you'd like to be interested, you can also fill out the form for that.
[00:34:22] We're going to be starting to post some interviews that I've been doing, not YouTube, and I don't know if I'm going to do YouTube yet. I might just do these interviews, but I would definitely love it if you would go on my website. Anyway. Even if you don't make a comment, if you could just follow me, that would be great. I'm trying to get as many followers as I can right now just to keep this alive and know that people are actually listening to my podcast until the next time it.
