Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Hi, everyone. This is Dawn Clem, and you are on my podcast, Milkweed and monarchs.
[00:00:09] I first met Cindy in 2017.
[00:00:17] She had just had brain tumor surgery, and I was very new into the job. I think I started at the very end of October.
[00:00:32] So we were both new in our roles, new as a navigator for me, and new as a brain tumor patient for her.
[00:00:45] Cindy was a woman, an accomplished woman. That's the best way to put it. She played the piano professionally with many music groups. She had taught herself how to play in the fifth grade, and she had been spectacular at playing the piano. And the piano gave her so much peace and calm.
[00:01:14] But she was also an avid swimmer and was actually a swimmer on the women's swim team at U of M, and later had received an award for it before women were allowed to actually get awards. Back then and then, she was also an engineer, a software engineer, and a cybersecurity specialist. She got her undergraduate degree at U of M, and then she went on and got her master's degree at Central Michigan university.
[00:01:57] She was so accomplished at just about everything she did.
[00:02:02] I got to spend a lot of time with her because she went through treatment with our office for five years. So I became great friends with both she and her husband. Her husband came with her to every appointment, and she was just a spectacular human being.
[00:02:23] It didn't take long for me to realize that she was a step above many of my other patients, where she would ask deeper questions, she would want more specific answers.
[00:02:39] She was a thoughtful person, and so I knew it was going to take a lot of effort to keep her on track without her overthinking a lot of this, which is impossible to do when someone's told you you have terminal brain cancer. But for her, it was even worse. I would say, well, during a lot of the times that she came to see me, I started thinking of ways of how I was gonna be able to help her get through some of her anxiety or overthinking the process of what was going on with her diagnosis.
[00:03:26] The first thing I did was she.
[00:03:31] All the patients would go to lemonholten cancer Pavilion for radiation therapy, and we had a large grand piano in the waiting room for patients.
[00:03:48] And I knew that she liked to play the piano.
[00:03:52] She had oftentimes just gone over there for her treatment, but would take music with her, and she would play the piano.
[00:04:04] So I decided to, you know, recognize her for that. And we had a newspaper for the hospital and the people that worked at the hospital that would highlight certain events or patients, things like that, that were going on. So I had Cindy interviewed for that newspaper, and then that article was published. And I think that gave her great pride that she was helping others while she was actually helping herself, because she said when she played the music, it actually calmed her down. And so to me, that was just such a good thing to do for someone like her.
[00:04:57] And I kept thinking a lot of times, what else could I do? What else could I do? Well, we both talked a lot about wanting to write, and we came up with this idea that she was going to be writing short stories. And every time she would write a short story, she would send the story to me when she. When I would get the story, and I was excited about it when I would get the story. Then when she came in for her next appointment, we would talk about her care and what was going on with that, but then we would also discuss the story.
[00:05:41] And it became kind of a good way for her not to feel so bad about having to come in monthly for her appointments because she knew we were going to be able to talk about other things besides her having a terminal diagnosis.
[00:06:01] In all, I think I have six stories from her, and I am going to start sharing those stories with you today. I'm going to tell her first story. I think it's worth hearing from her, and you'll get an insight as to what kind of a person Cindy really was because it's. It is so obvious when you hear her stories.
[00:06:29] So I'm going to go ahead and tell her first story. And the title of the story is the gift.
[00:06:39] Carol's mother died in November.
[00:06:43] Our church's minister asked me to be her grief partner.
[00:06:49] I was there. I was to be there when she needed some help dealing with the loss.
[00:06:56] It seemed like a natural fit for us.
[00:07:00] We had been friends. After years of singing in the choir and serving on a compassionate care committee, we had taken more than one grief class together.
[00:07:15] Carol had visited her mother weekly, sometimes daily. She often cried to me when recalling her visits.
[00:07:25] In my role as her grief partner, I sent Carol a few emails, made phone calls, and talked to her in church about her mother's death.
[00:07:37] We agreed grief is what it is. She was now on her rollercoaster ride.
[00:07:45] Grief comes in waves. This is me talking now. Grief actually comes in waves. And if any of you have experienced a loss, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. But you couldn't think that you are. You're finally over it or you've made peace with it. And then one little thing will remind you of something, and then you're crying all over again. So it definitely is a roller coaster ride.
[00:08:14] In January, Carol followed a routine she developed while visiting her mother in the care facility.
[00:08:22] She would buy a coffee using the drive thru window.
[00:08:26] On this particular day, her mom would have been 83 years old.
[00:08:32] Carol pulled up to the pickup window with her five dollar bill in her hand.
[00:08:39] She rolled down the window, ready to pay and take her coffee. When the clerk appeared, he said, there's no need to pay. The person in front of you has already paid for your drink.
[00:08:53] Stunned and uplifted by this kindness, Carol said, thank you, and drove away.
[00:09:02] Well, that in itself is a story, right? On her mother's birthday, someone paid for her coffee.
[00:09:11] I'd say that was a divine, a divine moment in my book.
[00:09:18] In early June, I talked out loud to God while driving to work one day. I have never done that before.
[00:09:26] Remember when you do those things in my life that really catch my attention? I said to God, well, I haven't had one of those times in a long time, and I miss it.
[00:09:38] Little did I know that God had already started to act.
[00:09:44] What was to happen would profoundly change my life.
[00:09:49] In mid June, I received a package at home from my friend and co worker, Keith.
[00:09:56] Inside was a gift for rock, a member of our work team, an activity booklet for my grandchildren, and a manatee sculpture for me. My birthday was coming within a couple days, and I thought it was nice of Keith that he was remembering me on my upcoming birthday.
[00:10:19] He he was currently living in Florida.
[00:10:25] The manatee was just a couple inches tall and wide. It was carved simply from a toga nut. It was so cute. I called Keith to thank him. He explained that he had planned on sending me a soft, lightweight stuffed manatee that I could throw at the monitor when I was frustrated, but his wife, Danita, encouraged him to purchase the figurine instead. Danita had me pegged just right. I did not care for stuffed animals. I did not throw things at my computer monitor, and this carving was beautiful and simply elegant. What a nice gift. I placed it on the base of my monitor where I could see it every day at work.
[00:11:22] I was in love with that little manatee carving. The overall size was large enough to notice but small enough to be inconspicuous. It was perched on a brown stand, which was an unfinished portion of the nut.
[00:11:40] Both stand and figurine were perfectly balanced. There was enough detail that I recognized it in passing and not too complex, which would require a dedicated glance.
[00:11:55] It looked like it was smiling at me. Its curves were sleek. The ivory color was appealing.
[00:12:05] In early July, I was now starting to dream up names for the manatee. That little guy should have a name.
[00:12:13] What an unusual thought for a person who has only given names to her children and pets.
[00:12:21] My car did not have a name. My plants did not have names. I didn't even have a nickname for my husband. Why was I interested in naming the manatee?
[00:12:34] My search began with asking Keith for the names of the resident manatees at the park near his home, Homosas Springs Wildlife Park.
[00:12:49] I read through the list, and none seemed right.
[00:12:53] The quest for the name continued until the beginning of August. The idea of naming the manatee tenaciously stayed with me. I had to stop this. No more distractions, I announced to myself. This is not what my employer was paying me to think about.
[00:13:12] Hey, we've all had moments like that, right when we're at work. To indicate my firm resolve, I stood up and began to walk out of my office to get a cup of coffee. This would put my mind back on work. As I approached the corner of my desk, the word Bosco popped into my head. Bosco. That's a name. Bosco. I did not know anyone or anything with that name. Although once, a very long time ago, there was a chocolate syrup called Bosco that we mixed into milk. The manatee was ivory with a brown base. Bosco, maybe. Really Bosco. It fits. Why not?
[00:13:59] I wrote the name on a sticky note so I wouldn't forget it. And then I placed the sticky note on the monitor stand and put the manatee on top of it.
[00:14:12] I saw Carol at church on a Sunday in September.
[00:14:17] We talked about our summers, and then I asked her about her grief for her mom. It had been nine months since her mother died.
[00:14:27] She said she was managing but was overwhelmed at the loss of her dog, her companion for many years. I wanted to learn more. What kind of dog was he?
[00:14:41] He was a chocolate lab, she replied.
[00:14:45] My girls have black Labradors. They were big, laughable, huggable, and loving pets. Oh, labs are such nice dogs, I commented to her.
[00:14:57] I knew a Labrador's life expectancy, and I would never ask about the cause of death when grieving. That doesn't really matter, does it?
[00:15:09] When did he die? I asked.
[00:15:12] End of July.
[00:15:14] Her eyes were swelling with tears, and I could see this was a tremendous loss for her.
[00:15:22] The tears ran down her cheeks. At the same time, I became aware of the connection between all the events that had transpired in the past year. It was like dominoes falling into one another, one after the other.
[00:15:44] With apprehension and hesitation, I asked, what was the dog's name?
[00:15:52] Bosco, she said.
[00:15:55] I wanted to shout, no way.
[00:15:58] I was too stunned to tell her my story. And this wasn't the time.
[00:16:05] We were focused on her, Bosco and her grief.
[00:16:09] I didn't know I had one more step to take.
[00:16:14] Over the next few days, I pondered what had transpired. From November to September, from Florida to Michigan, from a minister to a co worker, a ten month script. How could this be?
[00:16:32] Should I tell Carol? Do I keep this story in my heart?
[00:16:37] Do I keep the manatee?
[00:16:39] Should I give it to her?
[00:16:42] I was almost at peace with the latter. Even though it caused me to grieve at the idea. I did not want to lose my Bosco.
[00:16:55] I went to church the night of choir rehearsal. I knew Carol would be there.
[00:17:04] It was late September now.
[00:17:08] I asked her to come with me into the hall where we could be alone.
[00:17:14] I told her the story, as I have told you, the reader.
[00:17:23] I showed her my Bosco, along with the sticky note, and I explained what had transpired.
[00:17:35] We cried and hugged.
[00:17:38] Then I placed Bosco gently into her hands, saying, this was meant for you.
[00:17:48] Carol's gift of a manatee now rests on top of the ashes of her beloved dog on the mantel over her fireplace.
[00:18:01] I freely shared the story with Keith.
[00:18:06] He sent me a replacement. Bosco, another co worker, gave me his toga nut, which was carved into a walrus.
[00:18:17] These two were meant for me in their appreciation of the story.
[00:18:26] And the moral of the story is, let go and let God.
[00:18:35] My gosh, I can hardly tell that story without crying myself.
[00:18:40] But the point of that whole story is that there's always things that happened that are interconnected and we don't even know how that happens. Right? Like, how would anyone know that today was Carol's mother's birthday and they would buy her coffee? No. Nope. That happened for a reason. That's just how it is. We have to accept it. That was a divine intervention.
[00:19:13] The same for Bosco. I mean, Bosco just popped into her head. It's not like. It's not like she even thought about a Bosco. Where did it even come from, you know? And then to find out that Carol's dog was named Bosco. What are the chances of that happening? Just another divine intervention. I'm telling you, there's no such thing as a coincidence in this life.
[00:19:47] There really isn't.
[00:19:51] And this story reminds us of that.
[00:19:55] No coincidences.
[00:19:58] But once again, we see where kindness changes everything.
[00:20:07] And it really did on so many levels of this story.
[00:20:15] This was the first story that Cindy sent to me. I got done reading it and I was like, oh, my word, she is an incredible writer.
[00:20:27] She's just incredible.
[00:20:32] I felt so honored and privileged to be able to be hearing her words like she should have written a book. I'm telling you, it would have been magnificent. It would have been a best seller, there's no doubt.
[00:20:52] But it will be a pleasure for me to be able to share her stories with all of you and you will hear what she had learned throughout her life.
[00:21:07] They're incredible stories, and they make you think those are the best kind.
[00:21:17] That's the end of my story for today.
[00:21:20] So my last podcast was about Lieutenant Commander Hicks, and I have a couple more stories to tell about her. And then I have at least three more stories from Cindy. So over the course of the next month or so, those are going to be the stories that you will be listening to if you join me on my podcast.
[00:21:46] If you have a story that you would like me to share, please contact me through my website, milkmon.com. Milkmon.com. All one word and I will respond to you.
[00:22:05] Or also you can contact me personally. And my phone number is on the website site as well.
[00:22:13] And then I would look forward to talking to you and hearing what your story is that you want me to share. I like to tell stories. We're all interconnected and we're all making a difference for each other in a time that's not so pleasant. So I'm happy to have you as listeners.
[00:22:37] Take care.
