EP58 - Aunt Sue

[00:00:02] Hi, everyone, this is Dawn Klem, and you are on my podcast, Milkweed and Monarchs. [00:00:09] Today I'm going to share a story with you about my Aunt Sue. [00:00:15] My Aunt sue was one of my mom's younger sisters. She had two younger sisters, and my Aunt sue was closer to her in age than the youngest one, but she was still seven years younger than my mom. [00:00:31] She bought a house near my mom. It was about a block away, and the two of them spent a lot of time together at my mom's house. [00:00:43] She had been working. My Aunt sue, she was a social worker and then she actually was a dorm mother for a male dorm at Hillsdale College. And she did that job for several years. Then she finally retired. [00:01:03] So after she retired, she spent a lot of time coming to my mom's house, although she was coming even before that, especially in the summer. They were always together because they would sit on the back porch of my mom's house and they would drink coffee and smoke, smoke cigarettes and they were just so happy solving the world's problems. They were the greatest of friends. [00:01:29] When my mom got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I was worried about my Aunt Sue. [00:01:37] I didn't know how that was going to go for her. She had two daughters, but one of them lived on the west coast, the and the other one lived on the east coast in the South. [00:01:51] So neither one of them were around her very often. [00:01:56] And so I was kind of nervous about her being there after my mom was gone. [00:02:04] But I did have another cousin and she and her husband would go and mow my Aunt Sue's lawn and they would sit out in the yard with her and catch up. And they were great friends with her too. [00:02:19] So it between that cousin and myself, we kept a pretty good eye on my Aunt Sue. [00:02:27] She had. [00:02:30] She had a car that she had had for a really long time. [00:02:35] And it got to the point where it really wasn't drivable anymore. [00:02:40] And her ex husband and. And by now she's like 79 years old and her ex husband was still pretty good to her. So she called him to tell him that the car wasn't working anymore and he didn't really want her to be driving or to get another car. [00:03:01] So she started using Dial a Ride or she would even walk uptown to Hillsdale. [00:03:08] Her favorite restaurant was the Finish Line and everybody in the Finish Line knew her. [00:03:15] So she would take Dial A Ride to the Finish Line or she would walk uptown to do her banking business. [00:03:23] And she seemed to be managing okay. [00:03:26] Everything was going pretty good. [00:03:29] Well, the daughter that lived on the east coast decided I think it's time for her to come and live with us. [00:03:37] It's always such a challenge when these things come about. [00:03:42] We, all of us kids have good intentions to take care of our parents, but our parents have been living in the same town for so long that taking them out of their own town is not that easy. I found that to be true when I had to move my mom in with me. [00:04:04] And the same was going to be the tr. The truth for my Aunt sue, having to move south with her daughter. [00:04:14] But she didn't want to sell her house yet, and she wasn't really convinced that she was going to be happy if she moved down south. [00:04:25] So she made an arrangement with my cousin to continue to mow the line. [00:04:31] They would put money in her checking account to pay my cousin for mowing the lawn. [00:04:38] And it was a pretty good setup. [00:04:41] She moved her down there in the winter. [00:04:45] I think it was just before the Christmas holiday. [00:04:48] So she moved her down there. My Aunt sue was one of the best cooks I've ever been around in my life. I mean, she was amazing. She was a wonderful baker, but she was also a wonderful cook. And I know my cousin was grateful to have her there because she could cook meals. My cousin had two sons that were older in their later in their early to mid twenties. The one had gotten married and the other one was just finishing college, I think. So she was going to be happy to be down there with her family. She absolutely adored her grandsons. But I think it was going to be a challenge for her to away from things that she was so familiar with, like the finish line and going to the bank or doing her grocery shopping, you know, those kind of things. [00:05:46] But nonetheless, she ended up going. [00:05:50] And I was texting her. She had a cell phone, so I would text her to check in on her. And my cousin just kept up the line mowing routine that they had guaranteed or had worked out so that the house would always look good. [00:06:09] And she had quite a large yard, so it wasn't like it was something small and it was right in town. So she wanted to make sure that the. The yard was kept up. [00:06:20] So everything was going along okay and seemed to be, you know, I would text her a couple times or she would text me. One time she texted me, though, and she's like, if I get an airplane ride and come back up there, would you pick me up from the airport? I said, yes, of course, I'll pick you up. You know, I didn't know at that point what was going on. I mean, this is family stuff. [00:06:54] I felt like maybe her and her daughter had had a fight or something was going on. [00:06:59] But I didn't want to interrupt it, you know, because it really wasn't my business. But I definitely wanted to be there for her. [00:07:07] So I think it was going along okay. But they were maybe having times where they weren't getting along. She was living in the house with them. And then they finally got her like a little trailer, I think, so she could have her own space. [00:07:23] And when she got into the trailer, she was a lot happier. [00:07:27] She felt like she had her own privacy and she wasn't feeling overwhelmed. Being in their house, she was very private. She was very private. And she didn't invite any of us into her house at all. If we went to see her, we would sit in the yard to talk. And one year I got her brand new wicker furniture for the yard. I figure if I'm going to sit out here, might as well get something nice to sit on. And she had stray cats that she fed and they would all lay on the furniture. And so it was kind of a good setup. [00:08:06] Well, she moved in with her daughter, and after that, or into the little trailer, I should say. And then after that, we didn't hear from her much. We didn't know what was going on. But my cousin that was mowing the lawn with her husband just kept doing the job and she was getting paid. So we figured everything was status quo and maybe they were working things out. [00:08:32] Then the time comes for her to get paid, and it was in late July, and she goes to the bank and the bank says, non sufficient funds. [00:08:46] And my cousin's like, what? [00:08:49] So she says, maybe they just didn't put the money in in time. She didn't think anything of it, right? [00:08:58] So she says, I'll just check back in a week. So a week later she tries to put the check back through again. And it says, you need to go into the bank and talk to someone in the bank about this. [00:09:12] So she went into the bank and they had her wait. [00:09:17] And then the person at the desk, not at the counter but at the desk, called her over. And she went over to Sam and he says, the person that you're trying to get paid from has closed all her accounts because she died. [00:09:36] And then my cousin tried to call me. Finally we connected, probably about three or four days later. And I'm like, what are you even talking about? [00:09:49] What are you talking about? [00:09:52] So she said she had finally gotten A hold of our other cousin's husband, and apparently she had ended up with a really bad infection and that she didn't survive it even after being in the hospital and she had died. And the cousin that was mowing the lawn said, well, were you gonna let us know or were you gonna do any service for it? And they said, no, we're only gonna do a private service with her. Im down here. [00:10:23] So we were like, oh my God. [00:10:25] I mean, it was shocking. It was so shocking. [00:10:32] So the cousin that was mowing the lawn, her mom is still alive, but she was in a nursing home. She's still there right now. [00:10:43] And so she told her mom and she said, you called the other sister, though there was only the three sisters left out of the seven. [00:10:54] So I called the other sister to tell them what happened. [00:10:58] And she's married to a doctor. So I explained the whole thing from what we knew, you know, and they were like, what the heck? I said, I don't know. I don't know what happened. I don't know anything about it. I just know that she's to going gone. That's all I know. [00:11:16] So I said, I don't. Is. I don't know. Do you want to do anything? That's what I said. [00:11:24] Do we want to do anything up here for her? I mean, all of us just loved her so much. I felt like we should do something. [00:11:33] I said, I think I should at least put an obituary in the paper. [00:11:37] And they're like, I think that'd be such a good idea, Don. [00:11:41] I said, I'll do the obituary here in Michigan. And they lived in Ohio, and that's where my mom's family was from, Ohio. [00:11:51] And they said, we'll put in obituary. We'll put the same one that you do. You send it to us and we'll put it in the paper in Ohio. So I'm like, okay, that sounds good. [00:12:05] So now it's all this is happening during COVID and the end of COVID Okay. [00:12:18] So everything is kind of a screwed up mess. I'm sorry to say that, but it really was a screwed up mess. [00:12:27] We weren't gonna have a funeral with for her. [00:12:31] So I didn't even call the funeral home because we weren't doing a funeral for her. And I tried to look up the paper for the town of Hillsdale, but they didn't really have much of a paper anymore. A lot of it was just online. [00:12:49] So I'm like, well, I'm an oncology nurse, and a lot of people put their obituaries through legacy.com. [00:12:59] so I said, I can just do that. [00:13:02] So I typed up a whole entire, you know, notice and a whole thing about her. I got her high school graduation picture like they always usually do, and I had it all ready to go. I sent it to Legacy. [00:13:18] They charged me $275. I told them what newspaper I wanted it to go into, and then they would also post it on their site. [00:13:29] And they said they would let me know when the obituary was posted. And I told my other aunt, I'll let you know when it gets posted. [00:13:40] So they said, okay. [00:13:42] So, like, a month goes by and nothing is happening. I'm like, how long does it take to put an obituary in the paper? [00:13:50] You know, that seemed weird to me. [00:13:53] So I tried to call Legacy. You can't get a hold of them. I emailed them. No one ever responded. This is all going on during COVID You can't get a hold of anybody. Nobody responded to anything. Nobody at all. [00:14:10] Okay. [00:14:11] Finally, a month later. So now it's been two months since she passed. [00:14:17] Actually, I think it was in October. She died in August. [00:14:22] So I'm like, what the heck? [00:14:26] You know what I mean? What in the heck? [00:14:29] They finally sent me a notice in October saying that my obituary was going to be posted. So anxiously, I'm awaiting that obituary to make sure everything is okay. [00:14:43] I kept looking through the Hillsdale paper to see if there's anything in there. There was never anything in there. And finally it says it's posted. And where they posted it was in Traverse City, Michigan. Okay. [00:14:58] My aunt was born in Pioneer, Ohio, and we wanted something to go into Ohio, and we wanted something to go into Hillsdale? Because she had spent the last 30, 40 years of her life living in Hillsdale. So why would we want her obituary to go into a paper in Traverse City, which is four hours away from Hillsdale and seven hours or six, five hours away from Ohio, where she was born and raised? What in the heck is going on here? [00:15:33] I was irate. [00:15:36] Let me tell you. I was not a happy camper. [00:15:41] So I tried to call the paper in Traverse City. Not one person would answer the phone. No one picked up the phone. And ever. I never talked to one person at the paper in Traverse City. Not one time. [00:15:58] I emailed them, and they said, you need to talk to the manager. [00:16:05] Can you give me the manager's number? [00:16:09] They gave me a contact number. [00:16:11] No one ever returned my call. Not one time. Not one time. [00:16:18] And I was so frustrated. I was so frustrated. I'm like you. Even in the obituary, it tells where she was born and raised and where she had been living. So why would you post it up there? There's absolutely nothing in the paper that says anything about Traverse City, Michigan. [00:16:42] Not one thing. [00:16:45] I'm sorry, but every time I think about this story, my blood pressure goes up. I just think it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And that is what Covid did. Covid made our world turn upside down. [00:17:03] And the lack of respect for my poor Aunt sue was despicable. [00:17:09] Well, I was mad because I paid like $275 for that obituary. [00:17:14] Never went in the right paper. [00:17:16] So I contested it with my Chase Visa because I had put it on my Visa card, and I contested it. [00:17:25] And they said, that's fine to contest it, but you're gonna have to wait two months. I'm like, oh, my God. [00:17:33] All this time has passed and no one got to know. I wanted the people at the finish line to know. I wanted her friends, the people at the bank. I wanted everybody to know because they were. She was loved in Hillsdale. She was loved there. People loved her. [00:17:54] And to not be able to tell anybody so that they could pay their condolences was so frustrating. And the other thing that was so annoying about it is she still had high school friends in Ohio. And that's why my other aunt wanted there to be an obituary down there, because she wanted her friends there to know. So all these people who really cared about her never got to say a thing or send a card or share their condolences. [00:18:28] Nobody did. [00:18:31] I waited until November, I think. [00:18:35] Yeah, I think I contested it in October. It was posted in Traverse City, and I contested it that month. And at the end of November, I got my money back for the obituary. [00:18:51] And this year, I had the opportunity to meet with my cousin that was mowing the lawn and another cousin who's living down south as well, and myself. And I was telling them the story, and both of them said that they went online to try and see the obituary, and her name is there, but the obituary you can't read. I go, you're not going to be able to read it because I got my money back. Because they never posted it. [00:19:27] I don't even understand what in the heck went on. But I can tell you one thing. Not one person ever talked to me directly other than Chase Bank. Chase bank was phenomenal. [00:19:42] They were absolutely phenomenal. And I got all of my money back. I didn't really care about the money. I wanted her obituary to be posted so that people could know her life and how it ended. That's all. And she really did deserve it. So now I'm telling all of you on my podcast, and I kind of feel better about that. She deserved the recognition. [00:20:12] She was a humanitarian. [00:20:15] She graduated from Eastern Michigan in Ypsilanti with a bachelor's degree in social work. And when she first moved to Hillsdale, she was like a visiting social worker. And she would go visit moms with newborn babies and kids, and she would try to help them so much, and she would buy clothes for the babies. I mean, she just had a giving, giving heart. [00:20:44] She was one of the most caring people, and she went through some trauma in her life, but there was one thing about her. She was a humanitarian. She was giving. And she was one of the smartest people I knew. [00:21:00] And she loved sports. She was an avid Detroit Tigers fan. And she liked football, too, but she really liked baseball. [00:21:11] So this is a tribute to you, Aunt Sue. [00:21:16] And I hope, wherever you are, because I know you're up there twinkling at me, that you appreciate the fact that I finally told your story on this podcast, because I loved you a lot. [00:21:35] And in the meantime, what I would say is I lived through Covid as a nurse. I saw some of the most despicable things I've ever seen happen. It really was a horrible time for our country. [00:21:51] I don't think in a lot of ways, we've recovered from the things that have gone on. [00:21:58] And I just hope that. I don't think health care is never going to be the same. I've just seen a huge change in health care. I'm hoping that it'll rally around to be a little bit better, better than what it is now. But it's not the same. It was a change that hit us deep in our roots, and it was just unfortunate that that was at the time when my Aunt sue died. [00:22:32] Thank you for listening to my story today. I know it was kind of unusual, but it's really just a shout out to my Aunt Sue. Believe me, she deserves this. [00:22:48] Until the next time.